If you ever feel down on yourself, like someone or something else is better than you deserve, like you are the only person that doesn’t feel great about themselves, have you ever stopped to ask: do you honestly people are born with it?
We all appear in the world as pink, screaming balls of innocence. The Fonz didn’t emerge from the uterus wearing hair wax and a leather jacket. People who are naturally confident accrued it over time and through a variety of experiences, activities and interactions.
There are plenty of factors – some you can control, some you can’t – that affect your confidence as it develops (or doesn’t) but there’s a common misconception that it is unmoving and unchangeable. The confident people simply ‘have’ it, and you never will. It can certainly feel that way when you’re trapped in those moments of self-doubt.
London, with its sprawling size, unique roster of the social elites and emphasis on business performance and work rate, can do your confidence no favours. It always feels bigger than you, and you can feel obliged to everyone around you – there’s always someone to answer to, and someone to be jealous of, if you let your headspace take you there.
Real confidence – the type you don’t need to brag about at all – is out of reach for no one.
Let’s take sportsmen, maybe the go-to example of chest-beating, popularity and self-betterment. Yes, they’re naturally athletic and, at the top levels, well paid. This affords with it a certain air of confidence. And no, not all of us have that. But the other side of sports is something anyone can emulate: training towards a certain goal, investing in yourself and constantly living your passions are other key parts of an athlete’s personality. And the key to core confidence, sports or otherwise, is simply spending time improving yourself.
Humans are creatures of habit. It can be very easy to get stuck in your ways, or to feel that you are progressing without knowing you’re treading water until it’s too late. In a world where if you can simply stick on an instructional YouTube video for anything you can’t yet do, it’s pretty easy to forgo really pushing yourself under someone else’s guidance.
But unfortunately, that really is the only way to feel confidence. And I know, because I wasn’t always a dating and confidence coach.
Over a decade ago, when I was going out in London, expecting to talk to a whole host of women, I would head out with a gaggle of guys, hang out by the bar and generally not leave the sides of my male friends. I was scared to approach any women, meet new people, and even though I had some fun it was a fraction of the experience I could’ve been having while out.
It was grinding me down, because I knew there was a better, more successful me out there that just seemed out of reach. I’m sure you’re had those feelings before.
I realised that without making an active change myself, nothing would change at all. So I started researching behavioural psychology, social interaction theories, anything that would help me step outside of my shell and start improving myself in my chosen field. Soon I was out 3, 4 the 5 nights a week. Putting into practice what I read. Fearlessly failing. Then starting all over again.
After I started building up successes, and defining my approach, I realise that I was on my chosen path to mastery. And to achieve mastery, you have to pass on your skills too. Learn one, do one, teach one. Mastery is the real route to confidence, in any field. That’s why you never see Zen masters raising their voice – decades of dedicated application in their chosen path has given them absolute conviction and inner peace. It isn’t solely the beliefs they embed that
So I started acting as a dedicated wingman to a few acquaintances. Coached them with what I knew, went out into the field and practiced approaches with them, served as a comrade-in-arms as well as an observant teacher to highlight possible improvements and coax them to improve. I watched their rates of success triple, and knew I had to share my techniques with the world.
The encounters with women were often fun and exciting and led to a life I could never quite see coming around every corner. But it wasn’t just a whirlwind romp for me – I began to feel benefits in other areas of my life too – at work, round the dinner table with friends, on the football pitch at the park. I felt a glowing self-belief knowing that I was doing my absolute utmost to get what I want, not have to compromise on my own terms and to become the best man I can be. And after a while, after years of rigorously trying to achieve the best for myself, self esteem is at my core. I feel its impact every day.
THE NEXT STEP
My name’s Johnny Cassell. I have been leading men young and old on their journey to core confidence for a decade now, and I’m one of the best in the UK at it.
A coach is not just there to give you lessons and send you away, as the detachment and scale of London can so often lend itself to. A coach stays with you on the sidelines, and stakes his own success on your development. A coach is someone that doesn’t mind you loving them for their support and hating them for their belligerence in getting you out of your comfort zone. A coach holds both your short- and long-term interests at heart. I am a coach, not a teacher. And I love what I do because of it.
I know what my bespoke, one-on-one confidence coaching can do for you because I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It’s why I offer a money-back guarantee if you follow my lead but don’t start seeing results.
If you’re in London and feeling like confidence has always been just out of reach, get in touch here and I can introduce you to the core self-esteem that has been there all along.