In this article, I want to share with you a handful of jobs and activities that help you to become extroverted.
The common denominator amongst all of these activities is the high turnover of face-to-face interactions. This is vital for exercising your social muscles and minimising the stakes of everyday conversation.
Many introverts find conversation to be hugely stressful, and spending your day taking these actions can help make interactions manageable and even fun! Being introverted is not a bad thing, and enjoying your own space is also vital to building confidence.
However, spending too much time alone is unhealthy, and you have to strike a balance.
Social interplay is absolutely key to building up positive references and a working knowledge of human behaviour. To be successful in life, you have to master both of these elements. Imagine a salesperson with poor people skills – they wouldn’t last a full shift.
The more familiar you become with an action, the more your levels of anxiety about performing that action reduce.
With that in mind, you may start to think of your own ideas that put you in a similar position. Use the article to stimulate that urge to socialise.
I hope you enjoy the article.
Drama at school
I learned about myself by stepping outside of myself
While actors have something of a reputation for being flamboyant and outgoing, taking Drama as a school subject helped me become who I am today.
Being around people who had such energy and passion on the stage and building scenes and characters with them was instrumental to me when I was growing up.
Learning how to step into someone else’s shoes can help nurture empathy and can be very helpful in understanding yourself. How do I move? What does my voice sound like? How am I standing? Knowing all of these traits translates beautifully to the way you present yourself and your personal brand offstage.
On a practical level, these lessons also taught me how to manage facial expressions, add liveliness and animation to my hand gestures, and develop key communication skills.
You may be introverted well beyond your school years – it’s the reason so many guys approach me for help. If you don’t have access to GCSE drama, join an improv troupe or amateur theatre company. You might not end up being the next De Niro, but you can still gain all the benefits of studying projection and empathy at any age.
I learned how to get into state
When I was 16, I started part-time work at a local gastropub. It was a great experience that gave me the opportunity to interact with table after table of new people.
As you can imagine, they came from all walks of life and came to the restaurant in groups of many sizes. Some were sober and composed, others… less so.
Overall, it was a truly character-building experience.
It didn’t matter what mood I was in on the day. The punters are there for a dining experience, and you are a part of that atmosphere.
If I wasn’t in a great state to go to work, I worked hard to reach a point where I could socialise. I’d listen to uplifting music as I walked to work and would be sure to get myself into a playful mood on arrival. I would joke around with colleagues, poke fun, and take time to learn what was new with them and going on in their lives.
From this young age, I learned that the key to getting into state is going out with a sense of fun and playfulness and that a person not being in the mood to play along is perfectly okay. That’s not your problem; it’s theirs. That became a cornerstone of my confidence.
I learned how to develop small talk.
A key part of being a waiter is building a mini-relationship with the clients. After all, you can be the reason they either come back or the reason they tell their friends not bother. The choice is entirely yours.
I learned the importance of getting bored with how you talk. Think about it: Throughout your life, you hear yourself say the same thing over and over again.
A job like waiting forces you into a more creative conversational direction and opens up plenty of room for self-amusement. Don’t ever underestimate the power of humour. Being funny can open doors you never thought possible. It is such a great connector, and the punters who laughed when I spoke to them at their tables were the ones leaving the chunkiest tips at the end.
This is intertwined with your ability to get into state. People can tell if you are on autopilot or following the script of your daily grind.
Never be afraid to let your personality pop.
I learned how to lift people and solve issues
Turning negatives into positives is a skill we all need to take on board in our lives. And, let’s face it, shit does go wrong sometimes.
If it hits the fan in a restaurant, the front of house staff get it in the ear.
No one else. You learn not to point the finger, to take responsibility for the uncomfortable situation, and to create the best possible outcome, all the while managing people’s emotions and expectations.
The situation is not something that you can palm off to someone else. You have to take ownership.
Personally, I believe this is key to one’s development. Take ownership of your downfalls, then look for a solution.
I learned the importance of listening and holding eye contact
This has a direct and calming effect during explanations.
Listening during an interaction is a key skill. I always say you are either an active listener or a passive listener. You can imagine what’s going to go wrong if you only passively listen while taking an order. Waiting tables is a gym membership for your active listening skills.
The same can be said if you are in conversation with anyone. The only way to find common ground is to listen. Otherwise, you’re simply not present in the moment.
The eye contact is key to building trust and establishing rapport with individuals – be more conscious of it.
Now that you know all a waiter has to manage on an evening round, I hope you leave a bigger tip next time. I know my time as a waiter was central to my development as a person.
The Sunday market job came to me through a friend who was doing some part-time work at college. I couldn’t be any more thankful for the experience. Although it was not suited for him, I loved every second of it!
Again, this job has an extremely high client turnover, a heap of face-to-face interactions, and lots of fascinating characters.
I learned the importance of having a voice and personality
If you’ve ever walked into a vibrant market, you will be well aware of the heckles from the stallholders, with their cockney slang, riddles, and rhymes. It’s very amusing and also quite endearing – and, often, a very useful sales technique.
“It’s cheap, cheap, cheap like grandma’s budgie!” was one of my favourites.
For the first month, I remained a little introverted. However, I became a product of the environment and, eventually, just couldn’t help myself.
One of my own favourite heckles was “It’s just a pound now for your punnet of strawberries!” On its own, nothing special, until the punters would turn around to see your stand full of clothes.
Again. those are the seeds of that self-amusement aspect. Self-amusing with rhymes and wacky techniques helps you build state and bring people into your stall.
Think about that for a second, and try to convey a similar playfulness when you are next out in a social environment. Don’t scream “Any three you like now for just a fiver!!!” from the rooftops (sorry, they’re all coming back to me as I write this) but exercise that self-amusement muscle.
It draws people in and builds instant rapport. And I guarantee it’s fun for you too. That’s the entire point.
I learned how to get over objections and about the importance of positioning
Working on the market was funny, as you would encounter many objections to your pitches. Not only did the market teach me how to overcome these but also to approach the conversation from a place of abundance.
If you had a well-positioned stall, you would experience a high footfall, so one potential customer’s price objection wouldn’t matter too much, as the demand was a lot higher than the supply.
This often made sense to the punter, but when you didn’t get such a high-turnover day, you had to change tactics.
Have a think for a second. Are you getting enough footfall regarding the women you want to attract? If not, read that last paragraph again.
Change your tactics. Change your positioning.
I followed one simple principle in the moments after hearing those objections: I went home and wrote down two possible responses for guiding a person over their objection next time.
If you incorporate this into the world of work or your interactions with people, you will get more and more people over that the line of objection and aligned with your way of thinking.
I studied motorsport engineering at university, and although it couldn’t be further from what I do now, I learned about the importance of processes and function.
I learned to deconstruct things and put them back together in better ways
If a car part has a mechanical function, it is there to affect, move, or trigger another part. Both of these parts work for a whole: Getting the driver from A to B faster than all the other drivers.
The tuning of these cars is only perfected through repeating processes and delicately adjusting the calibration of axles, gears, spokes and everything else until the thing goes like the clappers.
Likewise, talking to women successfully is about speaking to as many as possible, going back to the drawing board, and working on all of the little elements of yourself, making slow progress as you go. When I said it couldn’t be further from what I do know, I may have missed the mark.
That’s exactly what I do now.
If you take something apart then attempt to put it back together again, and it doesn’t fit right, there’s a reason the pieces don’t quite connect. Engineered forced me to question processes and troubleshoot, and that made me the teacher I am today.
It’s no secret: Working and socialising in nightlife environments has been instrumental in building social confidence. It’s the place we all go to escape, potentially meet someone, and hook up.
I’ve listed a few different types of nightclub environment in which to consider immersing yourself. Each has advantages and disadvantages. The joy of these situations is that you can benefit even if you don’t work there!
I started from the very bottom of the nightlife and hospitality industry and worked my way up. My career grew as my confidence and social status improved over the years.
My learning curve in this field has been central to the way I now behave around people of high social status.
If you do not become familiar with these situations, you might effectively “fan zone” yourself, being seen as an admirer rather than an equal. If you want to start dating in high-status environments, those environments need to become your new normal.
This type of club is where I started going out; mass market venues, including the Vodka Revolutions, Tiger Tigers, and Oceanas of the world. They are absolute commercial cattle markets where, very often, standards will go out the window and interaction becomes much more about quantity and energy.
My taste in nightlife became much more refined as the years went on, but at this stage of my life, it was about racking up the approaches and getting hands-on experience.
This was my education in one-to-one human behaviour.
I couldn’t possibly put a number on how many interactions I have had in my life – and that’s a good thing. You have to find a mechanism in your life that gets you in front of as many people as possible.
The more familiar you are with something, the more confident you will become.
Moving from the commercial clubs to the more mid-level clubs, also known as High-End Clubs, I found myself exploring another level of commercialisation.
There is a lot of bravado and perceived value at play in these environments. It can be like a jungle and might be a lot to take in when you first go to one.
You are dealing with face control, guestlists, and table spenders.
You come to realise that if you are not a big spender, you have to demonstrate value in some other way. You are effectively a piece of content that may be more highly regarded if you have a good relationship with someone from the inside or added social value.
You can expect to find mid-level socialites, celebrity appearances, bankers, and weekend millionaires blowing up their paychecks. The calibre of women in these venues is also certainly higher, thanks to the door policies.
I have spent a lot of time in these environments, and I have learned too much to list in its entirety. What I will say, however, is that you shouldn’t ever catch yourself saying that you can’t speak to anyone because the music is too loud.
The music is, in fact, your wingman, as it encourages intimacy. What do you do if you can’t hear someone? You move closer. Thank me later.
The member’s clubs are spaces for people who are a bit higher up in the pecking order.
There is more of a perceived value than in the previous types of club. You will meet celebrities, top models, and notable public figures. With every interaction you have, you can be sure it’s a contact worth having in your address book.
The trick here is for these sort of environments to become your new normal. This is generally a “fake-it-till-you-make-it” kind of scenario, but the connections you make will justify stepping out of your comfort zone.
There are, of course, many special events that you can target or leverage your network to get access to. In my opinion, these are the best opportunities. However, you have to scale your way up to these.
Such events include:
- store openings
- charity events
- restaurant launches
- product launches
- art festivals
- magazine volume launches
My focus is more orientated around these sorts of opportunities, as this is where I feel the best networking and connections occur.
There is a lot to be said about targeting a hot new spot, such as a fusion of a restaurant with a lounge bar or dancing area. In the first year of opening, you can expect these sorts of places to attract a very refined, in-the-know type of crowd.
Therefore, you have the opportunity to achieve a similar level of refinement.
Regardless of the level of club you attend or work at, the important goal with any of these suggestions is being forced to step outside your comfort zone and talk to people.
PR (Public Relations)
I’ve been fortunate enough to know many people within the PR and hospitality industry as a byproduct of my extended involvement with nightlife.
Within the world of PR, you are constantly exposed to situations that will push the ejector seat and propel you from your comfort zone.
PR involves cold-calling celebrity agents, wrangling cheeky sponsorship deals, organising events, and becoming a memorable host amongst myriad of other tasks.
You learn how to be a consistent opener and closer. You start to see the value in connecting two people together and develop win-win situations for everybody. You learn how to become a master networker.
You become the reason everybody knows each other. As a result, they want to know you because you can get them to the people they need. That is real power and social dynamism. And you can get paid a salary to learn about influence and persuasion to such depths that you would never again trust anything you pick up from a newsstand.
Through PR, you develop a higher awareness of how the masses are moved around on a day-to-day basis and actually become quite numb to what might be an eye-catching, clickbait headline. PR helps grow more in tune with the master puppeteering that is always at play.
Confidence can grow from this consciousness and an ability to avoid the norm.
Most importantly, you learn what greater good you can achieve through such networking and persuasion skills and that you can enrich people’s lives.
For more expert advice on developing your extroversion, find out more about my 7-Day Programme https://www.johnnycassell.com/7-day-programme