There a few hits to a man’s pride harder than discovering a cheating girlfriend. It’s all too natural to sink into feelings of anger, resentment, betrayal, embarrassment, and inferiority.
These are obviously very toxic and harmful feelings. Yes, they are symptoms of toxic and harmful actions, but do you deserve to experience these damaging emotions at the hands of a woman who clearly did not have your best interests at heart? Of course not.
It can be tremendously difficult to know how to deal with cheating. There is a process, just like grief, that you have to go through. But there is a way to come through it not only in one piece, but also with your head held high.
This is my 5-step process to maturely handling a cheating GF.
Take responsibility when your girl cheats on you
Think logically. Why has this happened?
When your girlfriend cheats, it can be too easy to shrug it off as a personality flaw on her part. But what has she been getting outside the relationship that you couldn’t take care of? Be honest. Look inward for the answers.
You can point as many fingers as you like. You’re probably scheduled a very frank conversation with yourself if you’re going to get to the real reason she went looking for fun elsewhere.
This doesn’t, by the way, mean beating yourself up for any of it. But you have to be realistic, and you have to start rebuilding – today.
Mine for lessons
Every bad experience can provide a lesson. How can you use unfaithful girls to strengthen your personal growth?
You can even ask her for feedback. This may be painful to hear, but finding out from the source where you went wrong means you can make concerted efforts to avoid such pitfalls in future.
Maybe you need to learn how to please her sexually. Maybe it’s the opposite – sex was all you had and she found an emotional connection elsewhere. What could you have done to maintain the relationship? Could you have listened more? Been more spontaneous?
If you truly gave her everything she could possibly need and want from a relationship, she’d have stayed right where she was. Learn.
Assess the damage
When your girlfriend cheats, ask yourself: Can this relationship survive after cheating? Is it a wise decision to let her go? Can you both move forward from this psychologically?
Cheating breaks a huge trust barrier, and is usually a pretty reliable sign of gaping cracks in the foundation of the relationship. The two of you need to have a truthful conversation about whether there is anywhere left to turn.
The maturity of both the relationship and the people in it will determine whether it can survive after such an action. If she has transgressed in terms of your value system, you have to be firm and break off contact.
Understand that the grass IS greener on the other side.
Only someone unskilled at talking to women will tell you otherwise. Ignore those initial moments of doubt that negative emotions can trigger, and know that you can choose which women you talk to.
Don’t be the guy who only meets a girl by chance – ready yourself to get back out there making impactful connections.
Once you build your confidence back up and become a master of talking to women and creating desire, you’ll find that having your trust broken was just one part of the learning process.
But never let the thought enter your head that you have to take cheating girlfriends back just because they’re the “best you can get.”
If the two of you can repair the connection, it’s up to you as a couple. But it has to be on mutually beneficial terms, not because you’re worried about a lack of options in her absence. That’s a lie you’re telling yourself to make the easy route an option.
Tune out the static of your emotional and irrational thinking.
Decide logically what you are going to do. You cannot make a sensible decision through a cloud of emotion, so tune out your own muddled feelings and work out the best outcome for everyone.
If you feel emasculated, and your respect for your partner has completely melted away, you might want to call it a day. Cheating can really take a toll, and a relationship is one hell of an investment to make without trust.
Don’t break up and then go careering right into another relationship. Take time to assess what happened, and shape yourself into a better, stronger, more attractive person for the next woman you choose to include in your life.
You should now have more of a picture of how to deal with being cheated on by your girlfriend.
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