It can seem hard for guys to keep the energy flowing from one encounter to the next. That flow is extremely important when it comes to giving an impression of social mastery and success.
I’ve compiled these flirt tips for guys who want to fully transform flirting into a fun, fluid experience.
Flirting is mostly about the mindset, and you’ll find state of mind to be a common thread through these points and, indeed, most of the content in my 7-Day Programmes and workshops. Shaping your mindset to be positive is key to strong flirting techniques.
Here are the 5 practical steps you can take to amp up your flirting game and strategise your night.
Know that you’re not going out to get laid when flirting
You’re going out to be social. Going out with the intention to laid holds you back. You only wind up putting too much social pressure on yourself.
In my earliest days of doing this, I couldn’t get out of my head at the start of a night. I kept telling myself I was going out to get laid. I was so excited to get to the sexual part of the encounter that I didn’t end up talking to any women.
We’re going out to meet fun and interesting people. Anything that progresses beyond that is great, and of course, you will get more closes and conversions with that mindset. But keeping your social momentum going should be at the forefront of your mind all night.
Flirting 101 for men: Create a social snowball.
Like a snowball growing in size as it rolls down a hill, you have to build your social status as the night progresses.
To kick the night off, designate your pad as the place for the pre-party. Have a few drinks, socialise with your mates, and get in the mood. Being the host provides a great boost to your social value.
Your next task is to interact with 3 people you don’t know. If you’re getting the cab to your night out, have a chat to the taxi driver. If you see a person with snappy shoes or a coat you like, male or female, make a point of telling them. Strike up friendly conversation with a barman.
Do whatever you can to stay social and keep your value up wherever you are.
You have to stay in that social element to step up when you see a woman you like. If you’ve started festivities in a fun way that encourages momentum, it becomes much easier to keep the good vibes going.
Pre-approach to flirting
Start planting seeds at the first bar you get to. Just start talking to people at the bar, whoever they are. What are they celebrating? What’s the occasion? You want to be engaging groups of people and throwing open questions out there.
You may not be looking to pick anyone up here. What you’re doing is priming your social energy for the eventual moment in which you meet an exciting woman.
A note here is that you will naturally be asked what you’re up to. Always give them your plan for the evening, whether you actually have one or not. Don’t leave it at asking what they’re doing and hijacking their night out.
An attractive man is one who knows what he wants, so you can use the pre-approach to warm up your attraction skills and the way you project confidence.
When you get to the second club, look to gain rapport with all the key players – the bouncers, the promoters, the barmen, maybe even the DJ or performers. This will elevate your social status.
Knowing the people that work there adds social value to your public profile, and women are attracted to this. Being the glue that holds the party together is what will make flirting pay off for you.
The bold flirt
The best flirting advice I can give you is to be different.
You have to break the patterns beautiful girls are used to hearing when they are approached. If guys normally do everything in their power to convince a girl of reasons she should sleep with them, she’s going to remember the guy convincing her she shouldn’t.
Disqualifying yourself creates a sense of fun and mischief. One of my clients called me recently to tell me that they’d achieved great success with a woman by using “If I didn’t have a boyfriend, you’d so be mine right now.”
You can obviously show your intent later, but it’s a lighthearted opener that creates mystery. We want what we can’t have.
Alternatively, you can be direct in really cheeky ways, such as “I haven’t come over here to try and pull you, but I have to say, you look fucking hot in that dress.” Saying something like oozes confidence and makes her interested in the undefined parameters of your approach.
Consider time frames when flirting
The fact that different types of people that go out at different times of night is a practicality to bear in mind. Considering these behavioral patterns can help you preserve energy and focus your approaches on one segment of the night
In London, for example, you get people going for drinks after work between 5 and about 8, people going for dinner between around 8 and 10, and the night owls after that. The type of women you want will define the time slot on which you should focus your energy.
Bars that combine more than one type of establishment are great as you can find a mixture of people to interact with from overlapping time frames. The restaurant/cocktail bars are my favourite place to go as they provide a constant stream of a varied people.
There’s also a phase a few hours into a club night when girls are looking at where to go next, or who to hook up with. Make use of it.
I sometimes used to drive in and start my night around 11. My momentum would be on a certain level by the time girls were approaching the end of their club nights. Girls are naturally more sexually charged after hours of dancing and being hit on.
This is a time frame that shows great return on investment. Pick your spots wisely, so you’re getting a good return on your time.
How to flirt one-on-one
This article so far has examined setting up a successful context for flirting. Getting your energy primed, having the right mindset, and using your social skill to your advantage.
However, in this section, I’m going to walk you through the mechanics of flirting.
While the best way to ensure success is to set up the backdrop successfully, it can be helpful to know small gestures and steps you can take to smooth over the flirting process.
Make eye contact
Eye contact is one of the key elements of flirting. It is a powerful communicator and an even more powerful signifier of confidence.
If your gaze is flitting around all over the place, it betrays a nervousness that gets in the way of flirting.
Make sure you lock eye contact, especially while listening to her responses.
If you’re in the early stages of flirting, you might want to ration eye contact so that you can amp up your mystique within the encounter. Maybe spend 50 percent of the time looking across the bar or club and the other 50 percent meeting her gaze.
Eye contact is also essential for initiating flirting. It’s the way to tell if a girl likes you, and women are highly communicative with eye language when transmitting attraction.
Know the power of smiles
An easy smile can immediately relax a situation, adding a spark of fun and likeability to any social situation.
Women rarely like the idea of a super serious, grumpy guy on a night out. You have to bring fun and levity to whatever conversation you’re in.
A smile is also contagious. If you smile, she smiles, and you’re both smiling, a flirty atmosphere becomes very easy to maintain.
A “cheeky” smile can show that whatever happens in the encounter will not affect your enjoyment of the evening and give the impression of selectedness.
Men often worry about what to say when it comes to flirting with a girl in a conversation.
However, the flow of conversation is the important element in an interaction. You don’t have to come across as the wittiest or cleverest guy in the room.
Just make sure you ask open questions and start the conversation in a bright, conversational way.
Starting to talk, even if it is just asking a simple question, is also a great to overcome your own hurdles and hesitations. If you just start talking, it is a great way to banish those hangups.
Maintain a light tone
No matter how passionate you may be about politics or history, a flirty conversation is not the time to get heavy.
Flirting should be fun. Use humour, keep your voice animated, and keep a positive tone – talk about the things you love, and why, rather than things you dislike.
Sure, ask about family and other personal details to get a sense of her values. However, if that conversation seems to be headed down a darker path, bring it to heel and direct the conversation to a lighter place.
Use body language
Body language includes eye contact but the way you are sitting, standing, or walking can convey a lot about your intent.
You should be demonstrating that you are attracted to a woman. Calm, measured gestures, a straight posture, and avoiding fidgeting can go a long way to supporting a flirty conversation.
Maintaining an open stance, avoiding crossed arms or legs, and turning towards the woman to whom you are speaking all give off a relaxed and convivial conversational tone.
It is also worth picking up on signs that she likes you. If she’s playing with her hair, moving closer to you, or her feet are pointing towards you, she is sending you clear signals that she is into you and enjoy the conversation.
Being aware of this can help to fuel the flirting mindset.
Introduce physical contact
At some point, a flirty conversation should break the barrier of physicality. That does not mean you should launch yourself at a woman without warning, or make her feel trapped and uncomfortable.
A brush against the arm, stroke of the palm, or even a gentle high-five can all start to introduce the notion of physical contact into the interaction.
This will make escalating to the next stage far more natural, but also adds a sexual tension and electricity to the interaction.
Compliments are essential for letting a woman know your intent.
Make sure that when you’re giving compliments, they’re genuine. You shouldn’t have to look too far to find a characteristic you like – after all, if you didn’t find certain aspects of a woman interesting, why are you talking to her?
Generic compliments, such as “wow, you’re hot” or “you have nice eyes” will not cut it. Comment on the way her dress hangs from her shoulder, or clothes, or a perfume she may be wearing. Be classy, and mean what you’re saying.
If you’re looking to seriously step up your flirting skills, why not look at a 7-Day Programme or workshop today?