How to Flirt with a Woman Without Being Sleazy

May 26, 2017 - 8 minutes read

Great Tips on Flirting Without Being Sleazy

A lot of guys come to my seminars and courses having found it hard to strike a balance between flirt and sleazeball. They either end up holding back and seeming nervous (or worse, getting friendzoned) or going too far and embarrassing themselves.

It’s a fine line, but I guarantee that you will not only overcome this distinction, you will actually have fun doing it. You won’t even need to think about how to flirt with a girl – it will come naturally if you are warm enough and confident enough.

Flirting with girls is also not innately creepy. It is a statement of intent to let a girl know we think of her as a sexual being as well as an interesting person to hang out with, and we’d like her to think of us the same way. It’s creepier to pretend to be a friend just to pounce later.

It’s a mix of reading the room and projecting confidence that will bolster your flirting skillset.


Ease into the lewdness

Listen and respond

Be self-aware

Relaxed body language

Earnest non-sexual compliments


Clearly, you’re not going to beam to the point of unnerving them, you’re not The Joker. But a calm, easy smile will not only mentally prepare you for social interaction, it will make the words you say clearer and make you more approachable and less threatening from the outset.

You need to give off a sense of fun, and a smile is the most elementary yet effective way to do that. A gruff face and a sexual quip just seems threatening.

A smile from across the room is one of the easiest ways to flirt with a girl.

Ease into the lewdness

You don’t want to launch straight into double entendres and eyebrow-raising sexual puns. Always read the conversation and let her nudge in that direction first. There has to be a constant awareness of her level of comfort in the conversation: if she seems uncomfortable, reign it in.

The safer she feels around you, the flirtier she’ll become. If she starts giggling, and lightly touching your knee and shoulder, or playing with her hair, you can probably start getting more suggestive.

And needless to say, move in gently and if she says no, back away and keep the conversation friendly without even registering. Making her uncomfortable, as established, achieves nothing.

Listen and respond

Sleazy is going into the fray with a zillion prepared lines and quotes from movies and terrible puns and unabashedly firing them at any girl who’ll listen. That is the real life equivalent of the ‘hey bbz how u sxy’ in online dating that will very rarely get a response. It’s sleazy. Stop it.

Be genuinely interested in the women you speak to and you won’t have to know how to flirt without being creepy. Ask open questions, let them respond, listen to their response and react to it, yes, maybe by saying something flirty.

But something slightly flirty that shows you listened is ten times more powerful than something very sexual that’s awkwardly staged.

Be self-aware

That’s not the same as self-conscious. Don’t be over-concerned with what you’re doing, just how you’re coming across. This includes noticing whether there are people looking over at you or your general volume within the level of the room, for example. Are you at her eye level, or towering over her?

Good judgment of your position in your surroundings, and looking comfortable, is key to her feeling at ease. Also, in terms of physical proximity to her, make sure that you move in gradually instead of cramping her space all at once. Light touching or putting a hand at the base of her spine is all within limits, but keep a healthy perimeter and read her reactions before you move closer.

This also applies to testing the boundaries of flirting. If she calls you out on it, make fun of yourself. Draw attention to it. “Oh, of course I’m flirting with you! Who on Earth wouldn’t?” Make your intent clear.

Relaxed body language

This is crucial to helping a girl to feel relaxed around you. If you’re fiddling with your hair, or fidgeting, or crossing your arms, you’re probably making her really uncomfortable. When you do say something flirtatious, it’s going to seem off-colour and sleazy.

The main step in how to not be a creep is getting your body language right. The definition of a creep is someone who scares other people. If you’re being called a creep, it’s because girls feel uncomfortable around you. Your body language is doing 85% of that.

Relax. Pull your shoulders back and keep your back straight. Have your arms in an open gesture with your palms facing forward.

More than thinking about any of that though, just get into the conversation. When you ease into the flow of the dialogue between you two, your body language will automatically correct itself. When you feel comfortable, she will.

What drives body language is the narrative in your head. If you approach the situation with a negative narrative playing in your head (‘this girl doesn’t like me, they never do’) then that will project through your body language. Keeping an upbeat, can-do narrative going will make it easier to maintain the conversation without thinking about body language, which often makes it ten times better.

Earnest non-sexual compliments

It’s really simple: be nice to her. You went over to talk to her for a reason. Why not let her know what that reason was? Maybe you liked an item of clothing, or thought she looked like she read a particular author you like. Let her know.

Telling a woman she’s beautiful, or telling her something beautiful about herself, needn’t be sleazy if you really mean it. Make her feel special and it’s you she’ll be feeling special around.

You don’t have to make someone uncomfortable by flirting.

Join one of my seminars or courses here and see how I can improve your interactions with women today.

Related Posts