BODY LANGUAGE ATTRACTION TIPS
You can stock up on suggestive lines or introductory games ’til the cows come home. You can try learning some good jokes. But social scientists estimate that about 7% of someone’s first impression is based on what they’re saying. 7%. That’s absolutely tiny.
That makes how you stand, walk and use your limbs and face is likely going to be how to make a woman find you attractive. In flirting, body language is an art that not only portrays confidence but bestows confidence as well.
Instead of practicing different chat up lines in the mirror, try practicing one line with your back straight and your head held up and then slouched, or once with folded arms and once with your arms folded by your side. The difference in how you’re saying your approaching will be notable. In spite of any of the upcoming tips, confident body language will only truly come across with a confident headspace.
With body language, men often forget one fundamental thing: it’s called body language for a reason. The onus is on you to notice and react to her physical cues whilst controlling your own. What is body language, but a dialogue, and a beautiful one at that. Master this and your approach will be effortless from that point onwards.
There is special focus on:
HEAD AND EYES
POSTURE AND GAIT
READING AND REACTION
Let me explain a bit more about that.
In the film Joy which recently came out, about the woman who invented the Miracle Mop and made millions selling it on QVC-esque teleshopping channels, it went some way to explaining the sales techniques used in TV. They are particularly tactile with their hands, picking up the item and turning it around or grandly gesturing towards it. They want the audience to imagine holding and using the objects they’re selling.
The idea is exactly the same when approaching women in the field. While you don’t need to flail around like a cartoon Italian, it exudes great confidence to use your hands in slow calm motions to make points and get excited. Contact from the outset is also highly important – a firm handshake or assured hug is a great way to make a warm connection with someone.
Your hands are also where your sexually suggestive contact comes from, but that is more about reading and reacting – more on that later, though.
Avoid your pockets like the plague. Not only does it give the ‘fenced-off’ hostile vibe shared by arm-crossing, but it also hunches you over, diminishing your frame. By the same token, be sure to keep your chest open and your arms uncrossed, which includes whilst holding your drink. Keep it by your side.
Assured but restrained use of your hands and relaxed placement of your arms isn’t the be all and end all of body language attraction, but it sure as hell helps.
It’s said that the eyes are the window to the soul, and what you’ve got going on upwards of the neck is the front door to positive body language.
First up, I cannot spell it out enough:
The amount of clients I see try to smoulder their way into a woman’s heart with a nineties’ perfume advert scowl is remarkable. You are going out to convince girls that you are fun. And besides, you should be heading out with a positive and open enough mentality that smiling should come naturally to you. It shows your teeth too, which is a pretty primal display of confidence. Plus, it works wonders for your vocal projection.
You can have the hands as active as you want, without a smile it will look like negative body language.
Keep your head up (which will also serve to keep your back straight) and your eyes forward, too. It leaves as much potential for eye contact as possible, as well as giving a sense that you know what you want (and there are few things more attractive in a guy).
Make sure you’re groomed and smart. Keep your B.O. at bay, your teeth cleaned and maybe whitened in severe cases, and your hair on point. Find a hairstyle you’re comfortable with and keep it maintained. This seems superfluous to the discussion of flirting body language but it really helps to sell what you’re doing with the rest of you, and will serve to bring more confidence – regardless of how you look – through the effort you’ve expended in trying to look good.
POSTURE AND GAIT
If you’re getting your hands, eyes and head right, then vastly improved posture and gait should be your way of knowing it’s working. Your head will naturally pull your shoulders back into a commanding, confident posture, and having loose, easy arms will improve your balance and stride.
The same way you would walk into a business meeting or job interview – briskly, boldly, chest puffed out like the asset you are – is the same way you should be approaching women. Everything in your body is interconnected, so when you’re drawing yourself up and your shoulders back, you are increasing your lung capacity and your ability to project your words.
If you’re a sloucher, you may have to apply some extra pressure to this part of your body language to see results. Practice standing with your back flat against a wall. Stretch regularly or take up stretching, swimming or even yoga, activities that keep you broad and flexible.
Always work on all elements of your body language, but if you can’t stand tall and be noticed in the first place you’re going to be training for nothing. Make this a priority.
READING AND REACTION
Picking up on female body language signs, and knowing how to really read body language, is the most important aspect of it. It’s how the state of attraction is transferred. The same way a skilled jazz improviser will know when to break into the next section by reading the rhythms of the band, so too will keenly observing body language cues help you escalate your encounter to the next level – in a way that is comfortable for you both.
Eye contact is crucial in ways I can’t even begin to describe. As you are being expected to make the approach, prolonged eye contact from a woman is a key indicator she’s interested in a conversation, and meeting that gaze while you walk over is the way to secure it. No checking your phone or pretending you were going over there anyway. Let your intent show through your eye contact.
Then, while you’re talking, if she’s doing any of the following, it shows she’s thinking about you as a potential sexual partner:
- Lip fidgeting and chewing
- Repeated eyelash fluttering (hackneyed, I know, but completely based in reality)
- Smiling, nodding and eyebrow raising
- Slowly playing with a strand of her hair, or stroking it (be wary of irritating hair pulling and sideways glances – she’s getting restless)
- Stroking her neck, lips or collarbone
- Positioning herself advantageously – so, learning in with her head on her hands to be nearer to you
- Fiddling with jewellery, accessories or nearby objects
- Crossing and stroking her legs
You could be taking absolute ownership of your bodily projection and still miss the mark if you don’t pick up on this “does he like me?” body language. Knowing how to read body language is simply part of the conversation – you can tell what makes her smile and stay there for a bit, what makes her withdraw a little, perhaps, and make an active attempt to ask her about herself and bring her back to smiling.
I hope that’s at least made you think about how you’re coming across even just as a passing pedestrian.