The Do’s and Dont’s of Text Flirting

January 7, 2019 - 8 minutes read

The Do's and Dont's of Text Flirting

Knowing the dos and dont’s of texting can help you stand out from the crowd when you’re flirting by text.

If you’re talking to women the right way in person, you’ll likely have a stack of phone numbers with which to work, and the emphasis should, of course, be on making an impact during face-to-face interactions.

However, you can maintain intrigue and rapport by text messaging alone to build an even better platform for a first date.

I’m going to show you a few ways you can boost your chances with women via text message. 

DO play the numbers game

The best way to approach flirting by text is to act like you have a whole host of other conversations on the go.

Even if you don’t, give the impression that you have plenty of other opportunities going on. You can achieve this by not texting back as often, being carefree, and taking chances in your messages that a guy with no other options on his plate wouldn’t take.

The same way you can make a girl in a bar like you by talking to every other woman in the room, you can give a similar impression over text. This is known as an abundance mentality.

However, it should be more than a mentality. The best way to cultivate an abundance mentality is building as many opportunities as possible. Start approaching women in person and building up a library of phone numbers.

This is the easiest way to get around the neediness and oversharing that seems to affect so many guys when they’re texting.

DO have fun

The key to generating attraction by text is to develop a sense of fun.

Avoid getting too heavy, emotional, or political, and aim to self-amuse when you’re texting a girl, either by being outrageous or random, or by making innuendos – whatever brings a smile to your lips. Fun is infectious.

And while text messages might be easy to misinterpret, emojis can help clarify your intent. Besides, if she doesn’t get your humour over text, she doesn’t deserve to experience it live!

When you’re text flirting, make sure you’re in a great mood, and it will carry over.

DO be sexual and take risks

A man with other options doesn’t mind taking risks or being daring in a text message. Hiding this side only pushes you closer to the friend zone.

Avoiding the topic of sex altogether, especially if the conversation has a flirty tone already, shows a fear of being seen as “gross” and receiving a rejection.

This demonstrates weakness.

Make innuendos. Talk about fantasies. Let her know you’ve been sexually thinking about her. Brushing this under the carpet is not a fair representation of how you view her.

DO act like you’ve seen her traps before

Women will start ramping up the sexuality to see if you lose your cool.

This is where you can throw in some challenges to show that you’ve had attention from attractive women before and can withstand the heat.

If a woman starts texting you back in a sexually charged way or coming on strong, don’t get overexcited and throw the game away. Reverse the roles. Tell her “Buy me a drink, and you’ll find out ;)” or “Oh, I’m not that easy…” Make her work for you.

This shows that you could let go of the text interaction at no loss to your life, demonstrating a lack of neediness and a selectedness that are highly attractive to women.

DO accelerate the conversation towards a date

While texting can and should be fun, moving the conversation forward to a date should be the real goal.

You are generating excitement for the “you” she gets to hang out with, not becoming a pen pal.

Once you’ve developed a healthy rapport, be assumptive. “So I’m taking you out tonight. I know a great Thai place around the corner. Shall I meet you at 7?” Even if she says tonight’s no good, you can arrange another night.

Alternatively, challenge her to a fun game, like a thumb war, that could only occur in person. “I challenge you to a thumb war at Carluccio’s tonight around 8. I can pick you up from yours if you like, but please don’t try to compete while I’m driving. That’s cheating.”

However you ask, the critical factor is progressing towards a date.

DON’T demonstrate neediness

Neediness is the number one turn-off for women during text flirting.

Do not:

  • reply quickly to every text
  • send long text messages
  • overshare personal information
  • send her more texts than she sends you

She should have the impression that she is one of many girls, or that you are a busy, happening guy with loads of important stuff going on. You shouldn’t seem available or inclined to respond to every text.

DON’T apologize or backpedal

Cheeky texts and messages are a vital part of flirting. While you should push boundaries gently and test the sexual waters with emotional sensibility, you should also not grovel and walk back sexual statements if she seems offended.

Dwelling on moments of overstepping the line show a complete lack of confidence – you are, in effect, begging for her approval – so you should avoid this common pitfall that screams “NEEDY!” and brush it off.

Continue that sense of fun.

DON’T ever lose sight of the end goal

Many guys make the mistake of getting stuck in a text dialogue and never pushing the interaction to the next stage.

They also try to make a powerful impression by text without realising that what happens on a date is twice as valuable. The energy needs to roll on.

You have to own your confidence and take the lead in setting up arrangements or end up in SMS purgatory indefinitely.

If you want to know not only how to make the most of flirting by text, but also maximising your success face-to-face, get in touch today at and let me help you improve your self-esteem.