HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND
I’m going to take you through the absolute nuts and bolts of getting a girlfriend.
From building a personality that will broadcast you as an attractive prospect with longevity to taking those final steps to convert a ‘goodbye’ at the end of a first date, you need to construct a solid foundation if you’re going to secure yourself a healthy long-term relationship.
I’m going to give you a rundown of the steps you’ll need to take to ensure that the woman you truly desire sees you in the same way. You’ll need to shape your mindset so that your actions can follow suit.
This piece is not only about getting a girlfriend. It’s about building social value for yourself and communicating that to others. It’s also about communicating with others and actively listening.
Reading this article, you’ll discover how to strengthen yourself physically and emotionally to become the catch you were always capable of becoming. Not only that, I’ll teach you how to avoid the pitfalls of the dreaded friend zone, as well as how to remain a gentleman and retain respect when you’re in a relationship.
This is the definitive online guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend. You won’t find this much information available for free anywhere else.
Here’s a taste of what you will learn from this article on getting a girlfriend:
- How to attract women
- How to convey your value to other people
- How to invest in yourself physically
- Communicating your interest
- Staying out of the friend zone
- Setting up the date
- First date tips with your future girlfriend
- Amplifying the level of attraction
- How to maintain attraction
- The transition to intimacy
- How to be a gentleman and retain respect
So buckle up, get comfortable, and let’s start making you ready for a relationship.
When you’re looking at how to get a girlfriend, you need to start by transforming into a viable long-term investment. You need to become a prospect worth a woman’s time and energy on an ongoing basis.
No woman owes you her affection. The guys who expect this are the ones who end up on the sidelines.
You have to earn and be worthy of a woman’s attention before she grants it to you. The good news is that absolutely anyone can build themselves into such an asset by developing the right mindset.
To begin the transformation from a guy that doesn’t appear on her radar, to a leader and provider who becomes the sole focus of her passion and attention, you have to know about positioning.
Positioning is a huge part of my teaching, and it is central to reshaping your surroundings in a way that facilitates a shift in your dynamic with women.
You first have to know what type of woman you want and position yourself in an environment in which that type of woman is available. It can be all too easy to get trapped in lad culture, going to the Sheep and Bucket on the high street to neck pints with the guys.
But if you surround yourself with only guys in a place only guys hang out, don’t be disappointed or surprised when the interactions with women aren’t stacking up.
It is on you and you alone to make the opportunities happen.
People isolate themselves from opportunity and make excuses as to why. It’s about reframing your situation to make it adaptable.
You may freelance and not be around people much. “Oh, I work at home. I don’t meet many women.” You’re just creating excuses for yourself.
Don’t think of yourself at “working at home,” then. Instead, consider yourself as a remote worker, and get your business done in coffee shops and at freelancer meets. The girl who sits next to you at the coffee shop could be your next girlfriend.
Surrounding yourself with forward-thinking, like-minded people is not only great for the potential girlfriends you may meet, but you can use your new environment to level up.
As an example, I often worked in coffee shops while running my business. However, not all of these environments were elevating me as I’d hoped. As a result, I joined an exclusive Members’ Club in Mayfair. There were men all around me making huge, six- and seven-figure deals. That inspired me a great deal, and I started doing well enough to set up a finance company and put to use some of the expertise I’d absorbed just by being in the vicinity of the elite.
I positioned myself to absorb whatever I could learn and gain. Don’t sit around and dream of being a millionaire; actively place yourself around real-life millionaires and soak up what they know.
It’s through this process of osmosis that you become a product of your environment. Manage your environment, then, and you will find it easier to shape your trajectory.
This is how regular guys can build themselves into the type of men that take out models and celebrities. If this doesn’t ‘normally’ happen to you, then make a new normal for yourself. You have to be strategic about where you hang out and meet people.
I live in a flat around the Mayfair area of London. I look at the price of it and occasionally have thoughts of it being unreasonably expensive or hard to maintain. However, I then remind myself of the opportunities I’d miss out on by not being in this area.
Not placing yourself in upmarket areas around elite people can cost you more in the long term on a business level. Similarly, you need to spend time with beautiful, intelligent, top-notch women to learn what attracts them.
People often wonder how to get to this stage. They have what I call a “town mindset” – that sense of comfort only a big fish in a little pond can feel. However, to accrue social value, you need to value your time over your money.
The question is not “How do I get to this stage?”
It’s “How do I make it happen?”
You have to become a solutions-based thinker. What have YOU got to do to place yourself in a more abundant environment?
Positioning is crucial, but once you have positioned yourself successfully in a new environment, you have to start making yourself an important prospect to talk to. The mission doesn’t stop once you’ve entered the room.
You always need to be adding value to the scenario. Who do you want to be friends with? Do you have services you can offer them? People you can introduce to them? Ways to get reservations at an exclusive place?
Add value to other people’s lives, and you add status to your own.
I was sure to build up what I call “relationship equity” with all my resourceful friends simply by being generous. Maybe I’d need their help later on in life. It’s not about “favours for favours.” A magnanimous mindset with your friends and network can help you reap tangible rewards in the future.
When you surround yourself with resourceful people, you level up your social status. If you can’t add value by offering your own skills and virtues, add value to their lives by becoming a connector. Introduce them to someone who can.
Regularly throw gatherings, meetups, and parties, and position yourself as a social leader. When they want to blow off steam, it’s you they’ll call on.
Become that person, and you’ll get introduced to more people.
The reason I mention positioning and elevating yourself socially is this: Taking into consideration your social value is one of the most important parts of becoming desirable. You also have to demonstrate your social muscle – and it’s not by being the biggest and loudest in the room.
How to communicate your value to other people
Imagine having a social value of 0. You can start racking up social ‘points’ by behaving in a social way. In a hotel lobby, for example, a socially intelligent person greets the doorman and shakes his hand on the way in.
In a restaurant, they say hello to the maitre d’ or supervisor. They’d take care of all of the key people in the venue.
I will sometimes pop in and speak to the manager of a bar or club during the day just to be able to catch up with them that night.
You can take those steps with very little starting social value and already be raising eyebrows in the room: Who is this guy that seems to know everyone that matters in here? I’m intrigued. I’d like to know more.
Imagine if you go into that room and take the same steps, but having positioned yourself in a way that means you can grab yourself some real influence in the room.
Showing your social value is not just about who you know, but also how you act. You have to be comfortable with yourself in a way that allows you to make someone else feel good about themselves. Spread positivity and build a social snowball.
The more you go around being sociable, the more likable you’ll appear to be.
One of our course leaders, H, has worked in hospitality for years and seems to know absolutely everyone. People who haven’t yet shaken his hand are queueing up to do so.
You need to give the same impression to the women you meet on a night out and create intrigue by talking to everyone in the room. A girl wants a boyfriend people like. She eventually has to introduce you to her friends and family. In the back of her mind, she’s looking for someone who knows and gets on with people, and in her conscious mind, she’s looking for someone fun and exciting that sparks her natural curiosity.
If you’re out socially, and you can tell someone feels not included, a considerate and truly social person would make sure they feel involved and have empathy for everyone. Choosing to not care about that is indicative of your character, and it’s telling that you notice if not everyone is having a great time and go out of your way to try and change it.
There is an added charm in being able to do this, and it’s this charm that will have women looking over at you. When you decide you do want to have a girlfriend, being aware of these social elements are essential to your success.
How to invest in yourself physically
A lot of guys on my course have had the illusion planted in their head that only naturally good-looking guys end up with the woman they desire. However, not everyone is genetically blessed, and this can sometimes get to a man’s head and dent his confidence.
Good looks can help, but only because they can seriously bolster a man’s confidence. If you’re used to girls talking to you because you’re naturally attractive, you can build up an abundant and powerful bank of positive reference points.
You don’t have to be good-looking – just look good. This means caring about your appearance, ditching the tatty polo neck from a decade ago, getting in shape, and clearing up any obvious cosmetic blemishes. In this day and age, there’s no excuse to look bad or have discoloured, misshapen teeth. Plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry are widely available for any minor blemishes.
I used to have a reality that was made of negative references. Bad experiences shaped what I thought of myself, and it took me a while to build up the motivation to work on myself and my appearance.
I realised that I needed to invest in myself physically and make sure I looked on the outside how I felt on the inside.
This means not just shaping your wardrobe but looking after yourself. Ladies want a guy who’s active, not lethargic. They see the future. What’s he going to be like if I’m ill? What if we have a family? He’s filling his face with junk food and sitting around – is he still going to be alive to look after me at age 50?
You don’t have to become excessively hench or look exactly like whoever you think her favourite Hollywood heart-throb would be. Small changes can make you healthier and happier. For example, I switched from taxis to walking this year – mostly – and it makes me feel great.
You have no excuse not to take 15 minutes and do 20 or 30 pushups every night.
Be sure to stay hydrated, as not drinking enough water can lead to all sorts of health problems and give you bad breath and cracked lips. These are all basic measures in leading a happy, healthy life – and if they’re absent, girls will notice almost immediately.
When you make excuses about why you haven’t gone to the gym or stayed active, you have to stop and think – what else are you prioritising? What is more important than your health and confidence?
If you deny yourself exercise, you’re giving everyone your time but yourself. This needs to change – start putting the time on the calendar for you. A few hours a few times a week is no big ask. Be sure to stay active, and your confidence will reach a stage where you become a real, long-term prospect as a partner.
Communicating your interest – converting your confidence
Turning your confidence into a part of you that brings real results and attracts the right kind of women is, first and foremost, about your mindset.
If your mentality screams “she’s out of my league,” you’re going to come across as an inferior man. You have to have an “IT”S ON” mindset. What you tell yourself, you project.
Women are attracted to confidence. But what actually is it? How do you show confidence?
The key is certainty. Women like a man who is certain that he can give them something, add value, and fulfil their requirements. It’s for this sense of certainty that you have to build reference points.
Start approaching the type of woman that scares you until they become the women that excite you. Work on changing the label “intimidating” to “thrilling.”
How do you come across as a decisive person? For a start, you have to be someone who is comfortable in their own skin. You have to avoid making erratic movements with the eyes. You must remain softly spoken and hold eye contact.
Don’t be afraid to smile or make yourself temporarily vulnerable to hand out a compliment.
Once you have that confidence about yourself, finding a girlfriend really does become a lot easier!!
A confident man is not scared of losing face for a moment to communicate his interest. You have to take the risk to experience the reward. The real risk is not doing anything at all.
Because that would lead us to….
THE FRIEND ZONE
Staying out of the friend zone if you want a girlfriend
The friend zone can be a destructive place for everyone involved. You’re considering a fully-council-taxed member of the friend zone when a girl you’re interested in starts to come to you with her problems with other guys.
There is no problem with having women as friends. In fact, knowing a range of women makes you seem pre-selected and attractive – it can be a good thing. However, if they are just girls you liked sexually but didn’t make an effort to show interest in, then the friendship is false. You’re just settling for it to stay in her vicinity with the vague hope of escalating your relationship at a later stage.
The friend zone, however, is an extremely difficult place to leave. And the worst thing about it is that you put yourself there.It also becomes very difficult to get a girlfriend, once you are immersed in the dreaded ‘friend zone’.
If you don’t communicate your interest to a woman you like when you first meet, she can never see you as someone she’ll experience intimacy with. She’s already categorised you in her head.
You’re going to have to be prepared to take the risk of losing the woman. Being in the friend zone is going to be more painful for both of you than losing her or the opportunity to know her.
The best preventive measure you can take to maintain sexual intrigue and avoid the ignominy of the friend zone is to avoid being so available. It’s one of the biggest turnoffs a woman can experience.
When you meet someone you like, a needy first text is the worst.
“Hey, babes, really great to meet you. Hope you got home safe. Hope we see each other soon.”
This should be avoided like the plague. Waiting three days to text her after meeting her is a myth; texting her the next day is fine. But texting her immediately after the moment you learn of her existence is so desperate and in a painfully obvious way. You’re hankering after her immediate validation. A real man shouldn’t need that.
Rather than send a needy text, send a Ping text. This is a text designed to get a response without asking for one. A really powerful Ping text will reference the humour you shared when you last saw each other.
As an example, I met a girl a while ago, and we had the following exchange after I’d mentioned that I like bitchy girls:
Me: “Tell me three interesting things you liked about me.”
Her: “Your hair’s… forgivable…”
Me: “Ooh, yeah! I like that.”
I then referenced this in a text later on without saying anything else.
Create in-jokes and then produce follow-up material. The Ping text can reference your in-joke and bring back the powerful memories of your shared experience. You can also touch base with a girl you like minus the overpowering impression created by being needy.
To re-emphasise: DON’T. BE. NEEDY. Most guys fuck up the rapport by trying to move too fast. Calm down. She’s not going anywhere.
You simply have to trust the process, spark up an interesting conversation, and come back to it later.
How to set up the date with your future girlfriend
So, you’ve elevated yourself socially and added value to your name, put yourself in promising positions, met a girl that meets your standards, and shown enough intent in a way that also maintained a strong sense of mystique.
Now it’s time to set up that pivotal first date.
You’ve got to be decisive. Make sure you know where you want to go and what you want to do. If you don’t, avoid asking if she wants to do something and assume that she does. A woman likes a man that knows what he wants, from the larger scope of his life and ambitions to the minutiae, such as setting up dates and ordering at restaurants.
One tactic I am currently trying is simply saying:
“What are we doing tonight?”
It’s very subtle yet forthright and decisive. Maybe you don’t have a specific place picked out. This allows her to guide you to what she may enjoy, but also allows you to demonstrate that you’re a man who gets what he wants.
Another powerful follow-up text is:
“I’ve decided we’re going to see each other, but let me get the week out of the way, and we’ll talk about hanging out.”
She wants to know you have other options, and win your exclusivity.
You don’t have to razzle and dazzle them with Nobu, Sexy Fish, Novikov, and the whole Mayfair tour. She’s just looking to have a good time with you, and she doesn’t want to go to a flash place without you adding value to the encounter once you’re in there.
Anyone can flash the cash, but not everyone can give her a mentally stimulating experience. If you want to get yourself a girlfriend, this is a key point to take note of!
First date tips – The start of a long road to getting a girlfriend
Once you’ve set up your first date with a girl you desire, you have to make the experience exciting.
Women are particularly sensitive to the lighting in a room. Pick a place with low-key, tasteful lighting and a classy ambience. However, lighting isn’t the be-all and end-all, and you have to lead her through an exciting and engaging experience.
She’s potentially as nervous as you are, and she will be as unfamiliar to you as you are to her. You have a great opportunity to lay some groundwork, be genuinely interested in who she is, and give a fantastic account of yourself. The first date is also a chance to qualify her against your values. This is a crucial step in establishing mutual respect.
If you’re looking for a girlfriend, don’t settle for a girl that doesn’t meet your expectations. The whole point of making yourself into a socially viable catch is that you get to choose – you will never have to settle again.
You don’t only want to know what her hobbies are – why, in particular, are her hobbies interesting to her? What is it about the activities in which she partakes that makes her happy? You can use these things to find little clues as to the way her mind works – and the mind really is the biggest erogenous zone. If you learn about her, you can learn to stimulate her mind and create anticipation for the next time you see each other.
People get nervous before dates because they don’t know what to expect. They think that maybe it will be difficult to get along with someone from a different upbringing or culture – but that’s rubbish. The way to link with someone is through emotions. Everybody has feelings and emotions – that’s something you know you’ll have in common. Try to connect using those as a basis, and you will almost always find common ground.
Some people say not to, but I always bring up past relationships. If you’re sizing her up to be girlfriend material, find out why she and her last partner broke up. Remember, you’re still qualifying her. If they broke up for a stupid reason, or she doesn’t sound like she’s being 100% honest about what happened, alarm bells may rightfully be going off.
If you travel a lot, communicate that to her. Talk about independence and social circles.
Ask about her relationship with her family. Not only will you be able to find out about these quite intimate aspects of her life, simply showing interest in the facets of her personality beneath surface level will show that you are curious about who she really is.
Don’t be scared to talk about sex. This is still a question about values. If sex is important to you, and yuo are hoping she might become your future girlfriend, then what is she aligned with? If it seems that the two of you are not likely to be sexually compatible, longevity won’t really be an option. Be bold and assertive and raise this as an issue.
If you have a high libido and she doesn’t, it may cause problems later on when the initial excitement of discovering each others’ bodies has tapered off. Although this is not the be all and end all, once you have reached the boyfriend and girlfriend stage, is a girl with, say for example a low libido something you would want to live with?
The language I use is:
“How important is sex to you?”
Avoid back-pedalling on this question – it’s an important area to explore. If you keep the tone light and positive, it’s also a great way to start cranking up that sexual tension.
It’s vital not to be afraid of letting your guard down and giving her genuine, heartfelt, and specific compliments. Remember, she made herself up and dressed sexy for you.
I like to sit down and take a moment to fully appreciate her. What makes her special? Why is she beautiful to you? Can you imagine her as your girlfriend? Wait until you’re in the midst of conversation to bring up any compliments, so you’ve had time to figure out what they are. A compliment doesn’t have to be creepy – they can be an immensely powerful transmitter of positive emotion.
Then there is the timeless question of whether to pay for the date, or whether you should split the bill. And it shouldn’t be a question at all.
No girl wants you to spoil her, but you also won’t get away with being cheap. Are you likely to be able to get a girlfriend, if you have short arms and very long pockets? Well this wouldn’t be at the top of many girls lists of attractive qualities!
If you took her out on a date, foot the bill. As long as she gives that token gesture of offering to split costs, its fine – you’ll know then that she’s not entitled or expecting someone to spoil her.
However, if you let her pay the bill, she won’t want to see you again as it may conflict with her values. Look after your partner, and show that you can do so from the jump. Pay the damn bill.
I have a history of women who have high lifestyle expectations, but they inspired me to provide that standard of living and improve my own in the process.
It’s often said that behind every successful man is a strong woman, and this is why.
How to amplify the level of attraction to the next stage
After the first date, it’s important to start sowing the seeds of intimacy. Sex shouldn’t be something you tiptoe around and hint at – it should be a natural progression of the sexual chemistry already created by the pair of you. A real man should be confident enough to lead the way.
You have to know how to introduce intimacy into the interaction.
I knew a girl who lives across the bridge in Pimlico. We went on a great date, and I had organised the cab to go to hers first and mine after. In the back of the cab, I put my hand on her leg. She put her hand on mine, and I responded in kind, gently rubbing the centre of her palm. It worked wonders and allowed me to subtly gauge the tone of our conversation and simultaneously escalate the physical side.
Escalate tension slowly, and take every physical response from her as a signal that she’s complying with the scenario. When you’ve had enough feedback to know it’s on, pull her in and kiss her.
Alongside paying for the date, you should be paying for her taxi home. It’s the icing on the cake. You could maybe even organise the ride before the end of the date. Women like a guy who plans – it bodes well for any relationship moving forward. Not only can you look after her, but you also actually think ahead.
You can’t scold yourself for taking the lead on sexual intimacy. The biggest risk you can take is not doing so. This could be the girl with whom you spend the next few years or maybe even the rest of your life. The onus is entirely on you.
Don’t worry about the consequences of talking about sex. It’s important that you do bring it up. That way you’re showing intent in an honest, open way. And if she says no, then she’s just not ready yet – you still need to keep the tone positive. Blowouts don’t exist. She just needs to grow more comfortable around you.
The important part of the date is not the getting laid at the end, although it can build a platform for an exciting relationship with all barriers put to one side from the word go. The pivotal outcome of a date is actually building the connection, showing interest in her, giving a great account of yourself, and making her feel like she can be comfortable around you.
Is she girlfriend material? If so, then it makes sense to takes things nice and slow!
The second date – So she really could be girlfriend material?
If sex doesn’t happen at the end of a first date, you don’t need to worry. If becomes a continual problem, maybe she and you don’t quite have the sexual chemistry you’d hoped. However, there’s always a second date as well as other surefire methods of sealing the deal.
Don’t be scared to make the follow-up phone call after the first date. You’ve already shared an experience – why be scared of getting in touch again? It’s even worth taking the step of contacting her with a video call to convey that extra level of confidence. Be bold and forward when trying to find a girlfriend, and always show intent.
If you both work in the City, and she’s a beautiful, elite, high-value woman, she may well have done to death the free dinner circuit around Mayfair. Take her out of the bubble for a more impactful experience that will stick with her.
It’s here you can make a real, profound impact.
Send her a quick text saying “I want to take you to my favourite restaurant.”
If she shows interest, follow that up with “Send me your passport details.”
While flying her away somewhere unique is a grand gesture, you may not be able to do this with every potential girlfriend you take out. Instead, why not drive her out to the country to somewhere in the sticks – the Cotswolds or Cornwall, maybe?
She doesn’t need to be spoilt rotten. Just give her an experience that no other guy is going to give her. You have to differentiate yourself from her previous experiences.
The key to making the transition from meeting someone to sleeping with them is seeding the idea early on. If sex has been part of the conversation from the start, it should just be a natural progression from the restaurant to the bedroom.
Netflix and chill has become something of an internet trope over the last few years, but it does work as an option. While it is heavily reliant on having already established a strong level of rapport, as the invitation is pretty transparent, it’s great for ramping up intimacy in a simple way.
HOW TO MAINTAIN ATTRACTION
Having a great first and second date is all well and good, and getting laid is even better. But if you’re on the lookout for long-term connection, you need to be able to retain and amplify that initial spark over an extended period.
You need to maintain a functional level of intrigue and mystery about yourself, make her feel ready to open up and really share herself with you, and demonstrate your abilities as a protector and provider.
How to maintain intrigue
After the first time you’ve slept together, don’t be so available. If there’s no scarcity, there’s no interest. Why do people rush to the supermarket in a drought? It’s because the lack of available resources has created a need. Being available is undesirable. As I discussed earlier, you need to fully avoid being that needy guy who immediately swoops in with a text and makes it look as if he has nothing else to do.
You should also not let on every single detail about yourself in the first few dates. Slowly reveal different layers, and leave more for her to discover – if she knows everything at once, there will be no intrigue.
I have a friend who is a pianist, and he didn’t even hint to his now-wife that he also knew how to play guitar until maybe a year into the relationship. If you’re able to constantly pull surprises out of the bag, you’ll keep her fascinated. And you won’t achieve this if she finds out everything at once.
If she does over time become your girlfriend, then this type of thing helps to keep the excitement alive!
How to make her feel safe and open to sharing intimate details
Men can sometimes find it difficult convincing women to fully open up about what’s important to them. The deep stuff is really important – it’s the difference between a one-night stand and a strong, enduring bond.
It’s actually pretty simple to achieve. You just have to be a good listener and ask the right questions.
Here are a few eye-opening, exploratory questions you can ask during the early dates to qualify her as a person that operates in line with your values.
- Who was most influential in your childhood – your mother or father?
- Has anyone ever cheated on you?
- What’s been your greatest source of pain?
- What makes you jealous?
- Where do you feel most vulnerable?
- What brings you a great amount of joy?
- What are you yet to discover about yourself?
- What have you recently discovered about your sexuality?
- When did you last allow yourself to feel excitement?
These seem heavy, but its the answers to questions like this that can set up a powerful connection and establish you as someone who cares and is ready to listen.
How to make her feel secure and demonstrate your protective abilities – emotionally and physically
Beneath the surface of any powerful woman, there is someone that wants to be protected and feel safe. Any woman looking for a long-term relationship is in this mindset, and they’re not going to commit to you and be looking to be your girlfriend if you can’t provide these basic elements of human connection.
This goes back to early human biology. True, it’s no longer the case in the 21st century that men are the sole breadwinners or, going even further back, food-killers. But a woman still wants to know that, if someone breaks into your house or attacks you on the street, you could stand up for yourself and your family. She wants to know that you could protect any children you have further down the line, and any property you own together.
You have to look after yourself physically. The process alone will make you more confident, and you don’t have to end up looking like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to convince a woman that you can protect her. But you have to make sure that any potential health problems are kept in check. Eat healthily and exercise often.
She’s not about to invest time and energy into a man who gives the impression that he’s going to keel over and die from a heart attack aged 40.
It’s not just yourself you have to look after. Look after her when she’s ill. Make the effort to bring home juices, soup, and medicine if she’s sick or In pain. Make sure you’re chipping in with the cooking and cleaning, and ensure that she also has the time and energy to fulfil her potential. Think about the long run: If you can’t look after her, how are you going to look after kids in the future? Or help her with sick family members further down the line?
You just have to demonstrate that you care about her. Demonstrate paternal qualities for the long-term. Show that you have a kind, nurturing nature. If either of you has friends with children, show that you actively enjoy being around them. It’s almost planting the seed in her head that you’d make a great dad and protector.
Finally, there is financial security. You need to be putting effort into the areas of your life that keep you stable. Go the extra mile at work to get that promotion, or work like a packhorse to show you can build a foundation. You don’t need to be rolling in money – you do need to show that you can maximise your opportunities and plan sensibly.
Remember that being a boyfriend is about longevity. She is not going to invest time and energy into you if you don’t invest time and energy into yourself. This of course works both ways, in the respect of what you are looking for in a girlfriend too!
Transition to intimacy
Like it or not, you can’t remain an enigma forever. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to introduce her to the more intimate parts of your life.
You have to move from uncertainty to certainty, and that means putting a label on the relationship. Plenty of people reject the idea of labels, but it helps to call her your girlfriend when is she your girlfriend. It sets parameters and expectations.
There is also the question of when to take those next steps and expand her role in your world. You will eventually have to introduce her to friends and family.
It’s on both of your minds that you’re becoming an item when you’re getting to know each other. The real litmus test lies in experimenting with levels of commitment and seeing if the sense of attraction and compatibility remains the same.
Such commitment tests include inviting her out with your group of friends. Let her get to know them. She will likely run a similar experiment with you. For many people, the opinion of a group of friends will often override that of their family.
This transition communicates to her that she’s more than someone you are just dating for dinner and sex. As a girlfriend you are starting to include her in your circle, and likewise, you need to be looking out to see if she’s running similar commitment tests. If she isn’t, why is she not involving you in those parts of her life?
The step after meeting the people who are significant to her is going away for a long weekend together. It’s not only a suitable commitment test but also a chance to explore a great deal about each other’s characters. It’s a great compatibility test, as you’re confined to a space together with a weekend to do whatever you like.
The next steps are meeting the family and moving her into your place. These parts of a relationship take time and investment, but you have to tackle them if you’re looking to elevate your connection.
How to be a gentleman and build and retain respect
This is one of the most vital parts of keeping a long-term relationship healthy, and yourself healthy with it.
The key to being a gentleman is always to have her in mind. The traditional behavioural traits of a gentleman still apply when you’re not trying to get into her pants the first time – they make you worth being with.
These can include:
- holding the door open
- standing on the right side of the road
- opening the car door for her as the taxi arrives
- Making her tea in the morning
- running her a nice bath after a long day at work
These are the mindset mechanics of acting like a gent, and they’re easy to get right. You just have to have showing respect at the forefront of your mind.
However, showing respect but receiving none in return is not a healthy dynamic. Maintaining a certain level of respect is essential to retaining that spark throughout your relationship.
As we move forward in life and step out on our own, we are let loose as the sole arbiter of right and wrong, and the bearer of whatever consequences occur as a result of our actions.
In our relationships, there is someone else’s perspective at play. We are sometimes shown the line and, on occasion, we have to show our partners the line ourselves. It’s important to be vocal about instances where you feel she has acted in a way that is wrong, or where she has acted in a way that does not align with your values.
Any man who always lets their partner get away with actions that conflict with their own values is slowly letting their relationship slip through their fingers. They’re losing attraction as they lose respect.
Drawing lines is a desirable trait as it shows paternal qualities. It shows that you don’t put up with shit and won’t let anyone walk over you or your family. It demonstrates that you are the protector of your own values and your people. And it makes a woman want to be numbered among “your people” in the future.
I know there’s a lot here to unpack, guys. If you’d prefer a hands-on, bespoke session guiding through every aspect of making yourself the catch that secures the girlfriend of your dreams, visit www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training and get in touch to discuss how we can help you step your life game up today.