The Science of Falling in Love

September 14, 2018 - 8 minutes read

Is there a science to falling in love?

I’m sure you’ve clicked on this article looking for an easy solution to finding the woman you truly desire and convincing her to fall in love with you.

You won’t be surprised to know that it isn’t quite so simple. The formula is easy enough, but the process is long and requires a great deal of practice in learning how to talk to women.

At some point, being the most intelligent and emotionally involved species on the planet changed from a survival skill to a trait that defined our ability to build communities.

Art throughout the ages has sentimentalised love and everything around it, but what is it really? Why is it so powerful? What factors lead to people falling in love? And, moreover, what purpose does it serve?

Love is that sweet spot between science and art; between emotion and survivalism. I’m going to give you a full understanding of the way it works and let you know my formula for cracking it once you fully understand the context.

What is love?

Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me, no more.

Some people spend their entire lives looking for love, while others seem to happen across it purely by chance.

However, evolution was highly tactical about introducing the biological concept of love.

When human beings crawled out of the sea as nothing but fish with makeshift legs, we didn’t need to pair off with each other to survive. Fast forward billions of years and our brains are infinitely more complex, our needs greater, and our stakes higher.

As we became more complicated, so did our offspring. A growing brain meant more needs and more ways to express them. When it became advantageous for us to involve both parents in raising a younger human, the brain found a way to rewire the results of extended evolutionary development and motivate us to stay paired up.

Experiencing this attachment as a child also meant that children were learning early on about loss and death. That early exposure to losing a person in whom you were emotionally invested would eventually impress upon people the value of human connection.

Just as developing social groups and communities became vital for survival, so too did romantic attachment in successfully nurturing the next wave of genes to adulthood.

One fantastic suggestion, from Dario Maestripieri, Ph.D., a professor of comparative human development, evolutionary biology, and neurobiology at the University of Chicago, was that evolution used the biological systems already in place to form what we know as love. It merely kept the hormones and neurological processes that make us feel attachment to our parents as a child and left the engine running through adulthood.

Our bodies even adapted to feel intense sexual pleasure, and human males produce far less sperm and testosterone than our primate cousins to reduce our tendency to sleep around.

Different types of love

This emotional bond between two lovers, a mother and her child, two friends, and even the connection between a religious man and their deity all come from the same evolutionary mechanism.

However, as human life has become more complicated as lifespans have increased and as communication and travel have become so easy as to be almost effortless, the notion of love has branched out. It now adopts new significance in new relationships.

It has also been endlessly fetishised and explored in literature, art, cinema, and music. In the Western world, romantic love has become the be-all and end-all.

However, your life should be filled with love and appreciation at every turn. For your family, friends, certain cities, and activities. The feeling of love is far from being purely romantic or tailored for procreation.

Love is the process of becoming emotionally invested in another person. That draws us further into their protection and vice versa.

Is there a science to making a girl love me?

First off, you can’t “make” a girl love you. No woman owes you her commitment, time, or adoration.

You have to become a worthy prospect for long-term investment. So if there is a science to securing a meaningful, long-term relationship, it’s in how to demonstrate that you are a reliable source of security, companionship, and emotional depth.

Becoming the best version of yourself can seem like a daunting, all-encompassing task, but it can help to break down the mission by using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

The needs at the bottom – warmth, food, shelter, and protection from physical

harm – are essential to human survival. As we move up the pyramid, we see that the needs become more emotional. Being loved, and loving ourselves.

When we reach the top, we become who we were supposed to be: The best ideological version of ourselves, at the very top of our game. Self-actualisation is when an individual has met all of their needs and been able to flourish.

These traits are what women are looking for in a partner. At a basic level, they want someone who can show they have a livable income and won’t hurt them. Women need someone who looks after themselves so they can offer protection in times of potential danger, and won’t keel over from ill health, leaving her alone with the kids.

A woman also needs someone who will listen, genuinely care for her, and support her quest for self-actualisation.

The best way to show a woman you can offer this is by shaping your life up to be at the same stage. You shouldn’t be looking for love until you know you can meet these benchmarks.

My formula for finding love is this:

GETTING GOOD AT TALKING TO WOMEN + TALKING TO MORE WOMEN = VASTLY INCREASING YOUR CHANCES OF FINDING LONG-TERM SATISFACTION FROM A RELATIONSHIP.

Have a look through the rest of this blog or get in touch if you want to improve your conversations with women.

Show women the real you – and bring the ones you desire home with you – by learning all about my 7-Day Course at https://www.johnnycassell.com/pua-blog.  

 

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