Instagram isn’t just a way to show the world how great your life is. Used in the right way, it has many features that can help you meet and communicate with women all over the world.
“Sliding in the DMs” has entered popular parlance and people now exchange IG handles instead of phone numbers, as it’s often a less invasive way to stay in touch.
The popular social media platform du jour can be a hotbed of romance if you approach it in a non-creepy way. Facebook used to be a great medium for finding like-minded people to talk to. And if any readers remember the days of MySpace, millions of people hooked up through it.
With over a billion users, IG is the current platform of choice for social butterflies. Today, I want to walk you through the role it can play in your dating life and how to make the most of it.
Before a look at Instagram and how to nail it, a word of warning: Do not be a creepy asshole. The world has enough of them. Hiding behind a screen name doesn’t make a woman feel more comfortable with repeated harassment. Apply the same rules as you would in real life – if she says back off or lets you know she feels pressured or uncomfortable, not only is that morally wrong, but you definitely aren’t hooking up off the back of the conversation.
Have fun talking to people online, but keep the internet safe for everyone.
Now that’s out of the way, let’s begin…
1. Using IG to back up your Tinder profile
This is by far and away the most effective way to bring IG into your online dating approach.
Women swipe with far more diligence and selectivity when it comes to Tinder, and success in online dating is all about creating a powerful first impression. If you don’t, they will swipe past you in half a second, assuming your pics are fake and way too selected.
An Instagram profile, however, is a living document of all the cool, picturesque activities you get up to. And as it’s way harder to doctor an entire lifestyle (although many people do), women are going to be much more willing to open a conversation with you if they think they’ll have loads of fun with you.
So make sure you have an Instagram account and that you’re regularly documenting the fun, engaging stuff you do. Just being confident enough to give a glimpse into the real you, however, will be enough to have her second guessing which way she swipes.
IG is a great way to gauge someone’s lifestyle, personality, interests, and popularity – but those are also tools in your quest to give a more convincing account of yourself.
2. Making the most of your follower count
Thousands of followers does not necessarily mean you’re a super-popular person with an amazing life. But whether you’re a small business, artist, or casual user, having loads of followers can give others an inflated impression of your social proof.
(Check out this completely fake metal band’s European tour, booked off social media profiles alone. It’s an amazing story that really does show how much of an impression a social following can create, however bogus.)
So work on interfacing with people and jacking up your follower count. That way, anyone who accesses your IG profile Tinder will see a strong impression of social clout, even if that’s not 100% the case.
3. Replacing Tinder with Instagram
This is creepy unless they overtly list their IG handle. However, when they do, it’s a good way to get in touch.
Don’t get me wrong, Tinder can be a brilliant way to meet compatible women in the right hands, and its popularity has grown over the recent lockdown.
It does, however, restrict your possible matches to those in your area and allows you to chat only with those matches. Also, the 9s and 10s in your swipe list likely have a long, long queue of thirsty men who already swiped on her profile. You aren’t entering the conversation before them.
Instagram can be your way around it. Many people on Tinder have their IG profile linked, and this gives you another avenue of communication. Bumble and Tinder now no longer give the link, as this isn’t the most up-front way to go about it.
However, if a user lists their IG handle in their bio, they’re either influencers or happy for contact to take place via the platform, so make the most of it.
Don’t go straight for the DMs – like a few pics first so it doesn’t seem like you jumped straight in there to get around the Tinder mechanisms.
4. Swapping Insta handles instead of phone numbers
It’s 2020. SMS messages have fallen by the wayside in favour of instant messaging through social platforms. So when dates come to an end now or you meet someone you like, a mutual follow on social media is sometimes all that ensues – but that’s a great thing.
Gone are the days of trying to attach faces to random names and numbers in your phone. She can just search herself in your IG app and give a little follow. Now you’re in touch. It’s that easy.
It’s also a cheeky way for her to retain contact with you, without feeling the need to ask for your number which sends way more overt signals. “What’s your Insta handle? Let’s follow each other.” is a far subtler invitation than “let’s swap numbers and meet up again.”
Plus, women see the risk attached to giving strangers their phone numbers to strangers. You can’t blow up their phone with a million missed calls if you only have their IG handle. It’s a win-win. She feels safe, you make the connection.
5. Circumventing a ghosting
Ghosting occurs when a woman completely vanishes from your life and becomes uncontactable. It happens more and more – sometimes it’s just easier than having a difficult conversation with a person you don’t know that well.
However, it’s not a comfortable feeling. And if you don’t discuss going your separate ways, you’ll never really know if it was a knee-jerk decision or a connection that could be salvaged.
IG provides a way around this through:
- Tagging them in memes that bring them to mind
- Responding to her stories
- Having a different mode of contact to see if she’s really ghosting you
Try checking her IG stories and sending a few personal messages directly through them. Interactions on social media gives us hits of dopamine, so the positive feeling may well inspire her to open up contact again.
Also, being able to contact her on more than one platform means you’ll be able to check if she’s really ghosting you or simply checks her IG DMs more than her SMS messages.
6. Knowing who likes you
If you put out Stories on IG, daily output that disappears after a set amount of time, you’ll be able to see who viewed them. If your date or crush is among the regular viewers, you may be maintaining her interest without even making contact.
They appear in the bottom left of any Story you post under “seen by”, so keep your eyes peeled and see if they appear. Post more Stories and see how often they pop up. You’ll have more grounds to reach out if they appear regularly.
If a girl is ghosting your DMs without checking your Stories, chances are that the ship has sailed and you need to gather up your pride and move on.
7. Putting out powerful images that generate attraction
While IG can play a useful role in dating, its main power is creating “Thirst Traps” that generate attention and adulation from followers. If you aren’t living a life worth Instagramming in the first place, however, that won’t really work for you.
If you are getting in shape, dressing in style, and making yourself socially magnetic, however, then thirst trap pictures serve two purposes:
- Presenting a great side of yourself to whoever gets your IG handle at the end of a night
- Generating positive reactions and comments to demonstrate how desirable you are
You don’t need Zac-Efron-level abs to create a Thirst Trap. If you’re doing cool activities like surfing, snowboarding, or monster truck racing, it’ll garner attention and kudos.
At the end of the day, this is all as surface level as a shop window display. Surface level as it may be, however, you still find enough visual stimulation in a store front to enter the shop, scan purchases, and buy them. So there’s something to be said for the power of presentation.
Thirst Traps are nothing more than you presenting yourself at your best.
Maybe you use Instagram casually or professionally, but have never considered its possible applications in your dating life.
Moving into the next decade, make sure it’s part of your toolkit for generating attraction and giving the impression of social clout. Everyone is searchable on Google nowadays, so make sure your online footprint exudes success.
Learn how to master your online and offline presentation with my Impactful Connection workshops.