Charisma: How to get it

September 14, 2018 - 8 minutes read

Charisma How to get it

Charisma is a hugely important aspect of being desirable.

It’s not always the money or the muscle that makes a movie or rock star attractive. Often, it’s the way they carry themselves and project their large personalities that draws people in. And it’s likely to be the same force that’s driving their presence onstage or onscreen.

Most men think that a strong, charismatic aura is reserved for the Hollywood elites among us, but that’s not the case. Anyone can be charismatic, so long as they know how to manage social interactions and carve out their niche as an individual

This article aims to break down the notion of charisma and give you some tips on how to develop charisma.

What is charisma?

Charisma is defined as a “compelling attractiveness that inspires devotion in others.”

The notion of charisma doesn’t just operate in the arena of seduction. The best speakers, the most popular political leaders (good and bad), the religious clergies with packed congregations every week, and the lead actors in the most engaging concerts, TV shows, and plays all have one thing in common: The ability to communicate in a warm, inviting tone without losing their individualism and attract people.

Charismatic people know how to use language as a tool for making themselves more alluring. It is about having presence and an uncanny ability to address a room and command attention.

Particularly effective in people with charisma is the use of language that is warming to the ears. Charisma allows a person to speak in a way that is magnetic to people and conveys a sense of leadership.

Body language accompanies this language to sell it and reinforce it. I often talk to men in my seminars about the importance of body language in making women feel comfortable, but that applies to a roomful of people as well. People listen to other people talking when they feel comfortable around them because if they don’t, their defences will naturally go up.

The importance of passion in building charisma 

When you look at the charismatic figureheads of any century, another common thread is that they all have a burning passion for one particular drive, be it music, art, a political stance, humanitarian work, or a specific career or field of expertise.

Following a passion not only keeps you motivated and happy but also draws other people into that passion. The whole concept of a DJ is one individual guiding an entire party through the exploration of their musical passion. Aside from any technical skill, at a root level, they’re merely playing the music that made them move in the hope that it makes other people dance.

In the field of conversation, a conversation with any passionate person will have the same effect of transference. Passionate people are almost always charismatic. Their enthusiasm adds natural energy and character to the way they talk about wherever they focus their passion.

Passion also makes a person knowledgeable. This lends authority to the words they say and the assertions they make. That ability to dive into and discuss a topic about which they care deeply will make the way they talk animated and lively.

What is a charismatic tone of voice?

The way I see it, two different types of voice convey passion and draw people towards you.

The first is an animated, expressive voice that moves up and down that is matched by emotive hand gestures and eyebrow movements. The second is a stoic, mysterious kind of charisma, the sort that involves stillness and calm facial expressions.

The charismatic aura you give off has to be an extension of you. This means that you have to go down the route that best suits you. Don’t try and force a type of appeal that doesn’t match your personality – that completely defeats the point of learning confidence.

Whichever you choose, getting there is a process. It takes small, gradual steps to build confidence, but I am telling you now that anyone can do it.

There are classes available that can help you project your voice more clearly and deliberately and think on your feet. I know plenty of people that have taken public speaking and improv classes and come out the other side far better equipped to project confidence and let the conversation flow. My own services are about building confidence with women, but, realistically, my workshops are about developing skills that you can use as tools for expressing the real you, whatever context you’re in.

I tend to start clients off by sending them to their nearest shopping centre at lunchtime to ask people for directions and maintaining eye contact for long enough to work out the colour of their eyes.

Do that to five people a day, maybe women, if you’re looking to build up confidence in that area. Repeat that every lunchtime for a week. Then amp it up to ten . Follow that with challenging yourself to extend conversations.

Eventually, talking to new people will become commonplace. This newfound comfort will start to reinforce your ability to draw people in. Have enough conversations, and you start to understand how they work and how people receive information.

Celebrate each time you level up or hit a target. Make sure you acknowledge your progress. A key part of building up charisma is carrying with you the knowledge that you are investing in yourself.

I would also say that true charisma comes from following your passions – so, if you aren’t passionate about elements of your life, change it. Have a long, deep think about what it is you want to do, how you want to make money, which activities and people you’d like to fill your day with.

If you’re happy and active every single day, charisma will come naturally to you.

To kickstart your journey to true charisma, get in touch about my 7-Day Programme. Learn more at