You can chat to as many women as you like, but, eventually, you’ll have to learn how to charm one of them into going out with you.
I always emphasise the importance of being open and friendly when you’re in the field, we call this closing. But what you’re really doing is opening again – you have to take a step away from being the friendly guy at the bar and reframe yourself as a guy she wants to spend a whole evening getting to know.
Before they take my course, plenty of my students are yet to learn the same lesson: The focus should not be on how to ask a girl on a date, but why she should be the one getting to go on a date with you.
The work is in the preparation, and in this article, I’m going to walk you through how to convince a girl to date you before you’ve even asked.
She should be waiting for that invitation.
“I want to go on a date.”
Knowing how to get a date is about creating a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere.
You shouldn’t even frame the proposition of a second encounter as either a date or a question. It’s a natural consequence of enjoying hanging out with someone and wanting to do so again.
If your mentality going into the act of charming a woman is one of trying to rush to the end, and you’re running through ways to ask in your head, you’re not going to be comfortable throughout the interaction.
And, as a by-product, neither will she. Would you want to spend a whole night with someone you don’t feel at ease around? Of course not.
The trick, therefore, to securing that date is to give her an experience worth repeating.
The key to that positive experience is charm.
How to be charming
People see charm as this intangible “X-factor” that some people either have, or they don’t.
That’s an illusion. Charm is the ability to truly listen to what people are saying and react in a way that makes them feel good.
These are social skills that can be learnt through focus, application, and repetition. It’s all about becoming aware of them first.
The key is to be memorable. Be the one that stands out from the other guys. Break patterns and defy her expectations. Give her reasons not to date you. “Ah, I’m a dog person, I don’t think we’ll get along.”
A lot of people use “charming” to describe someone that defies all other categories. It’s worth thinking about that when distinguishing yourself from the pack.
How to get a girl to want to date you by being charming
There is a physical side to charming someone. Body language communicates so much about how we view ourselves, and nervous mannerisms and stiff posture can serve as a barrier to establishing that comfortable atmosphere.
It’s worth taking up a stretching class like yoga, Pilates, or a martial art if you’re naturally slumped-over. Staying physically fit will help how you carry yourself without needing to think about it consciously.
Make sure you smile often – with both your mouth and eyes. Watch footage of a stand-up that cracks you up, and then look straight in the mirror. The way your eyes are now are your smiling eyes, and they are central to spreading good feeling.
Humour is also a considerable part of charm. Constant wisecracking belies insecurity, but the ability to switch to a playful tone and lightly tease is key to connecting with people.
The best way to go about introducing humour is to have fun yourself. Self-amuse. Bring nearby women into silly debates with no warning. “My friend here seems to think that Toy Story 3 was the best of the trilogy. Can you kindly explain to him why he’s wrong?” I know a man who is married now because of an argument he once has about Star Wars.
“Would you rather?” riddles are also extremely inclusive. “Would you rather be locked in a room with a duck-sized lion or a lion-sized duck?” These are renowned for getting risqué rather quickly, so use it as a platform to strike up a rapport, and move on.
Wingmen are useful to have around for this sense of fun. You can play off of each other and create a type of “collective charm” that draws people towards you.
How to convince a girl to date you – be a long-term prospect.
You have to be a viable long-term investment for a woman. You could well see success in the field by being more physically and socially at-ease around the fairer sex.
However, you’re likely to see a shortage of meaningful dates if you can’t offer security and stability. Projecting your worthiness as an investment means knowing what you want and not being afraid to talk about or ask for it.
Confidence revolves around knowing what you want to do next and being decisive about it. This forms a vital part of being charming and also shows that you know how to set about being successful.
Set achievable goals, smash them, celebrate your wins, and then set new goals. The positivity you take from consistently noting your achievements will be contagious.
You have to balance work, play, and your passions, and engaging in activities and pursuits that make you happy, prosperous, or both. You’ll already have a great platform to get a girl to date you before you’ve even stepped in the room.
Check out my 7-Day Programme for valuable, in-field experience with internationally renowned trainers. Visit https://www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training to find out more.