It’s a bumper edition today, as practice is a crucial part of my teaching and I wanted to share something with you that could change your life.
When my clients come to me and explain their struggles with self-esteem, the pattern that emerges is always one of self-punishment, not self-reward. There seems to be a cycle of missed opportunities to invest in themselves.
Confidence is a process, and you have to train your self-esteem like a muscle. You have to practice confidence. If you’re naturally self-critical, you have to shape your mind into one that can accept but also constructively work through your flaws.
I’ve put together a checklist of actions you can take every day to make sure that you are in control.
Being proactive is key. We wake up, and very often the first thing we do is reach for our phones to be responsive – to emails, instant messages, or the news, for example. We’re often not making ourselves a priority.
I’m going to share with you 15 easy confidence boosters you can make part of your daily routine.
DAILY HABITS CHECKLIST
Get up, head straight into the kitchen, eat a good breakfast, and get started.
This is a handy tip I learned from drill sergeants. In the military, they wake you up and make you polish your boots. The sergeant will then swing back round to check the shine of your boots.
This is to help army men build confidence. They wake up, immediately complete a task, and already feel productive.
We don’t have a drill sergeant. You have to act as your own. So get up, chow down the most important meal of the day, and get going from the moment your eyes open.
Lying around in bed may feel great at the time, but you’ll end up punishing yourself when you don’t get the simpler tasks out of the way.
Make the bed, and do a few simple tasks.
Confidence is a process, but we have to compound our self-esteem to achieve it.
Getting a few extremely basic things done, like taking the rubbish out or doing the dishes in the morning so you can return to a clean home from a long day at work, can make all the difference when it comes to self-esteem.
Choose a few tasks that require no thought at all, and just crank a few out at the start of your day for an early top-up of confidence. The best daily habits are simple and achievable.
Write a to-do list every day.
Before bed, write a list of things you have to achieve the next day. You can use an organiser app like Trello, or even a simple piece of paper, notepad, or diary.
Make sure you tick items off the list as you complete them. Acknowledging the completion of tasks is a great way to compound your self-esteem and develop confidence.
You get to look back over your day’s achievements and know exactly how much you got done. Once the list is complete, you get to reward yourself by relaxing or spending time on an enjoyable activity.
This is one of the best daily habits to make sure you are nailing down the basics of building confidence.
Celebrate your wins.
What are you doing to acknowledge your achievements? Take a breather between items on the to-do list and register that you’ve done something remarkable instead of racing from one chore to the next. Stop and take it in.
There have been numerous times in my life that I haven’t stopped to reward myself, and have just freewheeled from one challenge to the next. Challenging myself was all well and good, but failing to recognise my achievements led to something bordering on depression.
I felt frustrated that everything felt so unfinished even though I’d achieved a lot. Once I learned not to feel guilty about rewarding myself, my self-esteem began to repair.
Reward plays a key role in how to stay confident.
Measure your success.
If you’ve achieved something, write it down. Get a pocket diary and record all of the things you’re grateful for. Note down all of the things you consider to be achievements or progressive steps.
In the context of talking to women, that could be talking to a girl you like in an unusual place or taking a girl home for the night. Note it down, however small it may seem.
It’s good to have a bank of positive reference points for those less successful nights. They can prevent you from running a negative narrative in your head.
Ask women “what do you like about me?”
Not only will it make a woman realise that she does actually like you, but you will also learn about your most attractive traits. This will help you structure your confidence around your strengths.
Feedback is important not only for realising and acknowledging your strengths but also for owning and addressing your weaknesses.
After a breakup, be sure to ask “when did you realise you lost attraction for me?” Learn about yourself as you go about your day, and take the time to discover your strengths and weaknesses.
The best reason to treat yourself is to remind yourself that can, not just as a way to celebrate success.
Maybe you’ve had a tough month, or maybe something bad has happened. But it didn’t kill you, did it? Reminding yourself things aren’t all that bad can help you get through the rougher times.
Don’t deprive yourself of nice things. I sometimes treat myself to art for the house, an iPad, or new clothes. Maybe you collect something and have your eye on a rare item, or perhaps there’s a show you’ve wanted to see for a while.
Material objects don’t mean all that much on the grand scale of core confidence but make these concessions for yourself from time to time. They can remind you that you are in control.
Go to a tailor and invest in a proper suit.
There’s no better feeling than getting a bespoke suit. They are made to fit your body like a glove, and there’s a certain level of treatment you get in these stores. Plus, you get to look in the mirror afterward and see a million bucks.
You’ll also notice how well women respond to a sharp, well-fitted suit. Fashion is a language in which women are well versed, and people do read books by their cover.
Maybe you’re not a suits kind of guy, and that’s fine. However, keep your wardrobe topped up with some nice outfits. Looking the part is a great way to convey your personal brand.
I studied this as part of tantric principles. You really do have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
This might sound strange at first, but spend a little bit of time every day standing in front of the mirror completely naked, and just love yourself. Take in and appreciate who you are, how you appear, and what you mean to the world.
If you don’t like the way part of you looks, do something about it. Either work out or take the cosmetic surgery route, but be happy with who you are. Discomfort in your own skin is always evident, and it is not characteristic of a confident person.
However you want to look, work out.
Physical fitness is a central factor in how to feel more confident.
Set goals and crush them. Consistently defeat your personal bests. I always feel great after working out.
The hardest part of starting or restarting at the gym is reacclimatising to the routine. But once you’re in, you will feel great. This is an absolute must-have on your confidence checklist.
Have an idea of the body you want, and really invest in getting there. You will feel the difference on a daily basis.
Host a dinner party.
Humans are social creatures, and if you’re buried in work or don’t get out much, it can be hard to feel like you’re fully involved. It can be easy to feel friendless or isolated, even though you’re anything but.
If you’re starting to feel this way, get on the phone or start up a Facebook chat group, invite a few people over, and cook for them. There’s a heap of confidence that comes from being the host.
The quickest way to happiness is to make others happy. I always made sure I hosted pre-drinks at mine and invited people over. When we’re older, we can be a little more sophisticated and put on a dinner party.
Don’t take the mindset that they should call you. If you regularly read this blog, you’re socially intelligent, so take responsibility. Everyone appreciates that phone call out of the blue, and it can be easy for anyone to let a friendship slip into the background of a busy life. Be proactive.
If you feel like your friend won’t come round because he’s married, invite their wife as well. Always open up ways to engineer social situations.
It’s being social that shapes how you can increase confidence, and it gives you a chance to express that confidence to others.
Set your goals and crush them.
Have long-term goals. Have you really thought about what yours are? Invest some time into considering them.
One method that has always helped me is a “vision board.”
It’s a large board with various images of things to which you aspire: Someone you admire, a fancy car you’d love to save for, the type of girl you want to be able to attract, or something you want to give back to the world.
Vision boards can motivate you by putting what you want right in front of you.
Then, when you crush those goals, celebrate. Even the process of building to those goals is one of the best confidence boosters for men.
Book and keep that monthly hairdresser’s appointment, and don’t let yourself get shabby. That couple of weeks you slacken up could be the fortnight during which you meet someone interesting.
Be inspired to try up-to-date hairstyles. If you’ve had the same look for ages, try something different.
Get inspiration from celebrity magazines or GQ. All celebs have stylists, hairdressers, and fashion consultants. By using the celebrity’s look for inspiration, you’re essentially getting their groomers’ expert advice for free.
The cheat code is finding a celebrity with a facial shape similar to yours. Browse for a photo of them sporting a hairstyle that looks good, and take that picture to the barber for consultation.
Buy good quality hair products and take good care of yourself. Never have dirty nails, de-wax your ears, and get a pedicure. Look after your body – it will end up touching a woman. Looks get your foot in the door, but being well-groomed is the key to attraction.
Improve someone’s day.
It takes two seconds to compliment another person. Have no agenda but to make them feel good, and that good feeling will rub off on you. You’ll feel so much better about yourself as a result.
Confidence is built on positivity. Extend that positivity towards others.
Organise a professional photoshoot.
Whether for business, social media, dating profiles, or just for personal use, a slick photoshoot can be a huge confidence booster. You can get direction from your photographer and look your absolute best. It all forms part of your branding.
You can see from this list that confidence is a process. You have to harvest self-esteem from all of these areas and build confidence gradually.
For a crash course in building your self-esteem, check out my 7-Day Programmes at www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training.