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5 steps to finding your swagger

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5 steps to finding your swagger

What is an air of confidence? It’s giving off a sense that you are successful or great at something, and that you know it.

It is a sense of complete comfort in any social situation, and the authority in the voice of someone who knows what they’re talking about.

Approaching a topic such as how to be cool and have swag makes it sound like I should be writing this in autotune, spilling a glass of Cristal from the window of my Bugatti just because I can afford to.

But a real confident swagger, the kind that seems to be followed by good fortune and a happy lifestyle wherever it goes, is so far from that. It’s living a beneficial, positive lifestyle that affords the air of confidence you think is out of reach.

Babies are not born with swagger. They can’t even walk yet.

So somewhere along the line, some babies turn into toddlers that turn into people that know how to have swagger, and some don’t.

What happens?

Somewhere along the line, maybe you stop believing you could be an astronaut, or David Beckham, and accept your slightly less illustrious job or lifestyle. And you see others who DO have this cool confidence, and reason that they were born with it.


Confidence is a process. And if you don’t go through it, you will never know how to have swag. As they say.

Invest in yourself

The wardrobe

Carrying yourself with confidence

Be comfortable with your downsides

Stop caring about what others think


Invest in yourself 

People can only walk with confidence when they know they’re working on building themselves.

Maybe they exercise regularly, or are learning an instrument, or playing hard for their sports team. Maybe they are working hard towards a job or qualification they really want.

In any case, a huge part of building confidence is working to improve the changeable aspects of yourself that need development, and discovering new things you’re capable of.

Even simply throwing yourself into the things you enjoy can be a massive boost to confidence.

Most of the people you see exuding confidence will still be way off their end goal. But they’ve been setting themselves small goals, and achieving small successes.

They then use these successes as reference points. It feeds their confidence going into the next encounter, or the next opportunity.

You can try to think about the tiniest aspects of how to have swag, how to walk or dress, or what to say to sound confident, but true, core confidence is only going to come from a positive mindset.

That positive mindset is what fuels the air of cool confidence that you’re looking for.

The wardrobe 

It’s important to dress well if you’re looking to strut like a million dollars.

No-one’s suggesting you need to drop a fortune on designer gear, but dressing in a way that suits you and makes you look good without trying.

Always go understated, but well fitting, and keep an eye on the general shapes and styles at the moment. Avoid flashiness or garishness.

And use clothes as a reason to overcome social barriers and chat to people. If you like someone’s suit, coat or shirt, ask them where they got it. Then have a browse on the shop’s website.

True self-esteem takes root regardless of what you’re wearing. But the definition of swagger is giving off that confidence, and showing everyone in the room how you feel.

That is expressed, in part, through clothing. See how your stride changes in a simple smart shirt, trousers, and the customary new shoes.

If you really have no fashion sense, or don’t know where to look, get a female friend of family member to help out. They know you, and what makes you look good.

Carrying yourself with confidence 

Although you shouldn’t have to constantly think about your hand motions and facial expressions, it’s important to know what confident body language looks like.

Posture is crucial. Keeping your chest out and your shoulders back and taking long, deliberate strides shows purpose and poise. Smiling shows positivity and a carefree attitude.

Carry that deliberate intent over to your hand gestures, and keep a tab on how wildly you’re gesticulating.

Making eye contact with people is an important way to connect and crucial to demonstrating comfort in your own skin.

You also carry yourself when you’re sitting. Your posture needs to be relaxed and comfortable, with your hands open and by your side or in your lap.

And the importance of avoiding fidgeting and moving around a whole lot cannot be overstate – it gives off the stench of insecurity. If you want to look comfortable, also ditch any playing with your face or ears.

None of this will need to be the forefront of your attention if you just keep a positive narrative in your head.

Be comfortable with your downsides

Building a library of positive references is not just important for a positive and confident self-image, but also for accepting your flaws.

There isn’t a single perfect person on the planet, and if someone goes to great lengths to paint themselves as such they’re likely playing smoke and mirrors.

Once you accept the things that are less than perfect about you, you open yourself up to the great things about you.

It’s getting to know and love those bits of you that will grant you your swagger.

If you make people feel comfortable, spread positivity, and listen during conversations, the minor flaws that only you notice won’t matter.

So be at peace with them.

And the final step…

Stop caring about what others think 

This is the fundamental part of a swagger: It looks carefree because it is.

It’s also the part that only comes from consistently doing the best for yourself, sticking to your values, presenting yourself well, and having a positive narrative in your head.

One of the most important things I ever learned was that people are largely only thinking of themselves when they talk to you.

If you’re at a networking event, or on a date, or at a party or social gathering, you are one interaction of the many they will have throughout the course of the evening.

So know you’re worth talking to, and embody your core confidence.

This also heavily contributes to leaving your comfort zone, as you fear judgement less and continually place yourself in unusual and challenging situations.

You can build even stronger reference points and voila! Even more confidence.

Some people need a little extra help leaving their comfort zone to gain real confidence. If that sounds like you, get in touch at

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