Dealing with that awkward silence on a date

September 18, 2017 - 6 minutes read

 

In my one-to-one sessions, guys often open up to me about their struggles with awkward silences on dates. I’m sure you’ve had moments of feeling like you have nothing to say, or like you need to fill that silence with wittering and needless chatter.

That discomfort around silence has then left their date with an impression of low confidence. A lot of people want to know the secret to mastering an uncomfortable silence.

I’m going to share a few inside tips on how to be “not awkward.”

I’ve put speech marks around “not awkward” to emphasise this: How you interpret silence is completely up to you. It’s only you that sees it as awkward. Once you make this part of your mindset, you won’t need to worry about a natural lull in conversation.

How to avoid awkward silence

Try this: Replace the word “awkward” with intriguing. If the absence of vocal communication becomes intriguing, it leads to a complete change of perspective. You control how you use the silence and where it leads.

I like to use silence to build tension.

In seduction, very little communication comes from the words that are being spoken. You can use eye contact to maintain the connection without necessarily saying words. You can use your expression and the way you’re sitting. No silence has to be awkward.

Embrace it. How to make a conversation not awkward is simply to enjoy the silences, focus on your breath, and keep your mind from trying to fill in all the blanks for you.

However, silence on her part can also mean that you’re not responding to her in the right way. Perhaps you’re asking closed questions instead of open questions. Maybe you’re trying too hard to be funny. It might just have been an awkward first date.

Many guys make the mistake of thinking that how to make a conversation “not awkward” is to talk more.

The opposite is true. To avoid silences in the conversation, you have to listen. Everything they say is a potential talking point. In my classes, we call them ‘hooks.’ You either challenge a hook or relate to it.

Everyone loves a challenge. A challenge makes her think, and drill down on the information she’s just given you. It removes the autopilot response and forces her to really engage. And then the conversation is flowing again.

You can only challenge if you’re listening intently. If you’re using challenges in your conversation, there should never really be any silences.

How to break awkward silence

While using silence to build up tension is sexy and subtle, you do eventually have to lead the interaction back to a conversational place.

When you’re looking to transition away from those silent phases, use one of these:

1. So tell me… – This puts the effort back on them
2. So… what else? [*issue an inviting hand gesture towards her*]
3. And then?

You have to make it seem as if she hasn’t impressed you enough, so you want to know more.

Throw the flow of conversation back her way. Why is it your responsibility to keep it going? You’re a high-value guy. You don’t have to try too hard and throw everything at the wall to keep her entertained.

Remember: You are not going out to impress girls. You are going out to qualify them against your values. Using phrases like these put the onus back on a woman to meet your approval, rather than you having to fight for hers.

If she’s squirming and sees you holding your composure, she will know she has to break the silence.

These phrases make you seem less needy and make her invest more. Build tension with the silence, and then regain control of the conversation in a suggestive, direct way that makes them work for you.

You are the prize.

There are other ways to address an awkward silence. You could directly address it – make a joke of it and inject some levity with a laugh. If you’ve nailed cracking wise about what’s in front of you, you already know how to deal with awkward moments. Call the moments out.

Addressing rather than avoiding discomfort oozes confidence.

How to completely get around an awkward silence with a crush 

If you’re worried about sitting around a dinner table in silence, why not engage in something a bit more lively? Go bowling, head to an arcade, watch some improv or comedy – do something that stimulates conversation and allows the two of you to create a real memory.

Shared experience is key to a blossoming connection.

If you want to learn more about keeping the conversation flowing all the way to the bedroom, head on over to www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training to find out about my bespoke 7-Day Programme.

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