Great tips to help develop your core confidence
You’ll see a whole lot of talk throughout this blog of self confidence, and projecting success as a force of habit as opposed to an intricately-woven facade. It may seem that some people are born with stunning good looks and brains for days, and that they will naturally have confidence whereas others may always have to feel down on themselves.
I call bullshit.
You aren’t born with confidence the same way you aren’t born with biceps or sales skills. You go about building confidence when you’ve invested enough in yourself. And you simply don’t get there without time, patience and conviction.
What is self confidence? Being confident is all well and good in a roomful of people, but core confidence comes behind closed doors. Being completely content with who you are, what you do every day and what you believe on your own terms, so that when you enter the world you carry that presence with you.
My 7 Day Course is not only an in-depth series of workshops on how to get laid. I consider myself a tour guide for the things that are great about you, and it’s in knowing your strengths and beliefs and actually applying them to your life that success with women, people, money, community – anything really – actually takes root. Building self-confidence is as central to success as your skills themselves.
Confidence is an active attribute – you aren’t it, you live it – and lack of confidence is a side-effect of a lack of action. You can follow the tips below all you like, but how to build self confidence is not reading a list or reciting a mantra – you really have to treat yourself as a pet project for a little while.
- BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU LOVE
- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE
- KEEP STABLE
- INVEST IN YOUR BRAND
- DON’T GET DISTRACTED
These seem like statements of the obvious, but building self confidence is not for anyone else. You have to inhabit the best you – by actively living self confident, it’s the best way to remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
The key to any of the below is doing them for their own sake, because they’re good for you, and not with a view to filling a hole or overcompensating for lack of confidence. That’s where core confidence comes from – an intrinsic knowledge that you are doing the best for yourself on all fronts.
Be good at what you love
Of course, you don’t have to be exceptionally skilled at your hobby to enjoy it. There are gamers outside of the FIFA top ten leaderboard that enjoy jumping on a PS4 the same way there are bedroom guitarists who play Smoke On The Water on repeat that have more fun that world-touring rockstars.
How to be confident lies in how passionately you can talk about your life. And the ability to talk passionately, and how to get confidence, comes from investing in your passions and being able to talk like someone who loves something. Whether it’s cars, sports, writing, putting good back into the world, building self-confidence comes from spending real time developing what you enjoy.
Take a course, join a club, meet other people who can talk about the same thing or collaborate with you. If it’s a business idea, start mapping it out and put it into motion. The most important thing is to take pride in it and to have ownership of your involvement in it.
Surround yourself with real people.
Of course, you should never be dependent on them. Real core confidence comes from full self-reliance. However, how to feel confident is a different matter, and you have to surround yourself with people that will a) have your best interests at heart and b) talk openly with you when you screw up or aren’t living up to your potential.
If you are constantly looking over your shoulder or worrying about the motives of your friends and acquaintances, you may need to think about a reshuffle. If you’ve noticed someone who has been there for you in a small way, go out of your way to talk to them more. If there’s friends from, say, university or an old job who aren’t really around for you, don’t support what you’re currently up to
How to gain self-confidence is being active with focussing your friendship circle to those that count. Not only does it serve as a negativity filter (always a great notion of how to boost self confidence) it means you’ll have more time in your day to dedicate to things you love, or working out, or learning new things.
In reality, the opinions of others shouldn’t factor into your core confidence. But a network of voices you trust and that can be relied on works wonders for how you carry yourself into situations with people you don’t know.
This means physically, fiscally, medically AND psychologically stable. If you’re wondering how to be more confident, it probably doesn’t start from a point of fragility. You might have unassailable, chronic medical issues, which shouldn’t keep you from achieving whatever you want in spite of it (knowing this is key to how to be more confident in those circumstances) but you need to do what you can to stay as healthy and comfortable as possible.
You won’t feel 100% self-confident unless you have your affairs in order. Rent paid, basics sorted, a roof over your head and a generally functional body. Make these a priority – cut down on booze, partying and distractions (apart from doing what you love – this are part of staying stable) and make sure you’re working and bringing in money. Also, eat healthy – it’s so easy and an active part of feeling great about yourself.
Work out too. You don’t have to look like Thor to know how to gain confidence, but you do need that rush of endorphins that comes with physical rigour, and you do need to at least know you’re taking steps towards the body you want.
Consider this the housekeeping element of core confidence. Live your life like you’re going to live for hundreds of years, but fill it with what you love like you are going to die in five minutes.
Invest in your brand
I’ve talked about this in other articles. Knowing how to have confidence and putting in the groundwork above is crucial, but where it becomes self confidence rather than just contentment is the ability to take it with you wherever you go; to exude it.
This means going out with a woman, even a relative, who knows style and having them pick out some new clothes for you, spending a little more on a haircut and maybe work on your posture and social etiquette. You don’t have to step out looking like George Clooney, just freshen up.
A lot of people talking about ‘faking it til you make it’, and that’s fine to some extent if it helps to break down any social barriers you might have, but if your confidence comes from a real place and you want to show this side of you, you have to at least look like you’ve spent some time thinking about what to wear. Develop a life worth presenting, and then by god present it!
Don’t get distracted
If you’re serious about wanting to know how to become more confident, then all distractions have to fall by the wayside. You have to be brave, unwavering and focussed, and make your decisions with clarity and purpose. You may have to make a lot of difficult decisions, like cutting people out of your life, or working really hard at finding a job, or even quitting a job to start a business.
The wonderful thing to bear in mind when seeking how to boost confidence is that even the act of putting real effort into this crusade for confidence will give you confidence, because you’ll know you’re putting the work in. The question of how to build confidence really is one of building: you may have to knock down an old husk of a building to erect a shiny new one in its place.
Set yourself targets, and work to reach them with no-one judging but you. The sense of reward accompanying that process will lock confidence into your DNA. The outcomes of each goal reached will lock it into your outward projection of success.
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