In your journey to sexual mastery, you’ll encounter many types of women, and you could be forgiven for focusing on women your own age or younger – more in common, less baggage, higher sexual energy, yadda yadda yadda.
But ruling out older woman is a textbook error. You could be missing out on years of experience, and a far more mature and developed worldview. And besides, if you can’t seduce any woman you encounter, can you really call yourself a true master? You might find that you relish the enhanced conversation and sexual dominance that can come simply by virtue of them having had ten or so more years to practice.
The fundamentals are the same talking to any woman, but a more refined lady warrants a more refined approach. It’s always worth knowing how to talk to cougars. Bear the following in mind and you should find this can often be far easier than going for girls your own age – and perhaps more rewarding with it.
KNOW YOUR TYPE
NOTICE AND REACT
SHOW HER YOUR WORLD
Experience can make a woman choosy following a string of bad relationships, but it can also mean she is looking for a shot of energy men her age maybe cannot provide.
Watch and learn, folks…
KNOW YOUR TYPE
This becomes especially important as the years progress. Similar to the natural hierarchy for guys, you have two avenues: alpha and beta ladies. The alpha ladies tend to be sophisticated, professionally advanced and sexually dominant – normally those too busy to uphold a relationship up to the point you met them. And then there are the betas, looking to feel better about themselves after perhaps a crumbled marriage.
The latter are, naturally, easier to approach and generally a confirmed phone number, at the very least. The alphas are the real way to push yourself: they know what they want and drive the conversation, hoping that you will step up to the plate and prove that you are as much man as anyone their own age.
Whichever you choose, your approach will be shaped entirely by the reason she, herself, is out in the first place. So be sure to ask enough questions to gauge who she is, but not enough to seem over-eager. In all honesty, you can normally tell simply by looking – books, covers, and all that, sure, but they will be presenting themselves very differently even just by the way they’re standing, what they’re drinking and who they’re with. Alphas may very well be alone, betas will likely be with a pack of friends.
Open up. Gauge within the first few sentences the confidence in their body language, and base your approach on that.
NOTICE AND REACT
They will have been through a lifetime of pre-meditated chat-up lines and corny approaches, and often seen the other side of a lot of chest-puffing promises that never came to fruition – men who’ve talked a good game but let them down relationship-wise.
Treat it almost like a job interview. Yes, you have to take the lead, but notice something first – an item of jewellery or clothing, something they’re drinking, anything – as a lead to open. Alphas will almost certainly lead the questioning – they are vetting you. Hard. They are not there to be led. So answer honestly, smile a lot, and have no shame in any of your answers. They are not looking for their ideal guy, and chances are they’re picking you up as much as you are approaching them. Integrity is key – they will smell phoney from a mile away. If you like video games, say so. Pokemon cards, even. Maybe you’re in a metal band. They’re still talking to you because they want your more youthful vigour, but want confidence beyond your years. Give it to them.
Show interest in them as well. Their advanced years mean they’ve done more, or they’re in a great job, and want to talk about it. They won’t be invested in a guy who isn’t genuinely invested in them.
Reactive conversation is key to approaching all women, but doubly so.
There’s no need to be James bloody Bond. But they will expected to be treated with a level of courteousness that you may not be used to providing (although being charming is something you should learn for all women, and fast, if this is not part of your arsenal.)
So once you’ve picked up a phone number and made a date, keep it. With cougars, it’s concrete. No being late. No cancelling at the last minute. You’ll miss your chance for good if you don’t. They’re either very busy or don’t get to do this much.
Make sure your taking her coat, pulling out her chair and dressing the part is simply part of talking to older women. This is important on any date, but only because most girls aren’t expecting it and it gets you bonus points. Cougars are expecting this, as a bare minimum. So meet their expectations. But, as the next point will show…
The key part of holding on to a cougar. If you’re building a relationship, or even if you have a noncommittal but strong sexual camaraderie, they will sense and be turned off by you pretending to know your way around a wine list, or golf course, if you’re actually a rapper who tops the world leaderboard on Call of Duty.
Honesty is the crux of any functional relationship, but you can normally get away with a bit of grandstanding until the serious stuff kicks in. A lot of guys try it beyond that point. But you need to be upfront, all the time – and almost make a point of it.
Not only is it simply not attractive, chances are they’ve been hurt before in their 30/35+ long years and don’t want to go through that again. Plus, it oozes confidence if your proud of your life as you’ve built it, and confidence in your life and passions, whatever they are, will be the shot of exuberance and enthusiasm they could be missing. That will make you valuable for her. And valuable = laid.
SHOW HER YOUR WORLD
This is actually the trickiest part of dating a cougar. It’s not just about how to get a cougar. It’s about how to get a cougar invested in you.
As much as you’ve let her teach you the ropes of gentlemanly courtship, you need to teach her the fun part about being you. Especially if she’s busy, or not used to video games, or sports, or whatever it is than you enjoy as a younger male, you need to acclimatise her to what you’re into.
This is where you really lead, and it takes a little while to get here, but if you get her sitting down with a kung-fu movie, or invite her to one of your gigs, this will be what marks you out as unique. It’s the combination of confident and unique that seals the deal.
Your role in dating a cougar is to remind her that she needed this all along, and while you’re more than happy to step up her to her level of maturity, there’s a benefit to your level too.
Cougars come with their fair share of challenges, but try approaching a few and see if this isn’t something that works for you.
For more great advice on dating women of all ages, don’t forget to check out my bespoke coaching services here.