Plenty of guys on my courses want to know how to compliment a girl without coming across as sleazy. No one wants to know the creepy guy, and even fewer people want to be the creepy guy.
There are ways to make a girl blush without creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.
What are the best compliments for a girl?
Smooth compliments work because the people who use them think about their language and force themselves to be a bit more creative with how they make people feel good.
Language is important. You need to avoid the pitfalls of saying ‘you are hot’ or ‘you are sexy’ – she already knows. It’s likely that ten guys at that bar have already said the same thing to her that evening.
If she was genetically gifted with good looks, she’s aware of it. The ‘you are’ construction of a compliment is so unimaginative and blunt.
Instead, try focusing on ‘I.’ I think you’re sexy. The way you wear that dress does it for me. It’s subtle but powerful shift. Talk about what she’s doing for you, rather than addressing the compliment to her.
While this does leave you a bit exposed, you’ve got to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Put your ego aside for a second and step outside of the playful game you two have got going on. Let her in on how she makes you feel – it’s a way of showing intent that only spreads positivity.
You might not want to ‘ruin the tension’ by letting your true perspective show. But I don’t think it will do anything but escalate that tension. Allowing genuine affection to creep in heightens the stakes. It’s vulnerability that adds to the excitement.
Make sure you keep eye contact. It’s one of the important parts of cranking up the tension and adding a little vulnerability to the encounter.
Don’t be so into the game you lose sight of the prize.
I’ve seen situations unfold where a hotheaded guy and a hotheaded girl go at the banter all night – it’s greatly entertaining to watch, a lot of the time. Everything’s there and escalating effectively, but there’s so much ego that no one will back down or allow themselves to be vulnerable for even a second. Nobody gives in to the sensation of the moment and verbalises the fact they like each other.
Often, the sheer determination not to lose face can lead to some promising encounters fizzling out before they get the chance to involve physicality.
Don’t be that guy. Two stubborn people not communicating their needs and desires to each other will result in both of them going home alone. The moment gets lost in a tangle of egos. There’s no shame in telling someone you like them.
Eye contact is important. It’s part of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Hold the eye contact and have the compliment playing in your head, so it comes across with your eyes alone.
How to compliment a girl on her looks
Invest a bit of thought in a compliment you want to give her, and deliver it with energy and sincerity.
For example, I like a woman who wears her make up correctly, so if I meet one I’ll say something like:
“Oh my god, I’ve realised what it is I like about you now – the way that you wear your makeup, it really draws my attention towards your eyes.”
That is a far more powerful message, despite containing almost exactly. Don’t fall into the pattern of saying ‘you have nice eyes.’ It’s painfully boring, and she already knows she has nice eyes otherwise she wouldn’t have done her makeup to highlight them.
You can still make a basic compliment, but it has much more of an impact if you use language that will stimulate her.
You have to force yourself to be creative with your language. If you hear yourself saying something over and over again, chances are it’s boring you. Start being a bit awake to the things you catch yourself saying.
This applies to all language, not just compliments. Find ways to self-amuse. If you’re enjoying yourself, they will too. A compliment is a way of transferring your own state over to her. Before your favourite comedian drops a pun, you’re probably already laughing because of his infectious enthusiasm.
Going into a conversation with a woman wearing a stone cold look on your face and saying ‘you’re sexy’ is fucking weird.
Delivery is crucial. A smile goes a long way and is one of the absolute basics of giving a compliment. It’s a state transference. You can only feel good receiving that compliment. Avoid being too serious – I’ve seen ‘over-serious’ countless times when I’m out in the field with my clients, and it doesn’t work.
This also applies to relationships. Compliments for girlfriends can become formulaic as the relationship wears on, so find new, exciting ways to tell your girlfriend or wife she’s beautiful. Surprise yourself in the process, and have fun doing it.
Be descriptive. Do away with ‘nice legs, nice eyes, nice tits’ etc. In fact, get rid of the word ‘nice’ altogether. It’s not stimulating.
How to flatter a girl is simple: Do it in a way that amuses you, but that you know you mean.
For in-depth tuition on how to make women feel great, check out my 7-Day Courses at www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training.