In this blog, we’re going to discuss how to REMOVE your approach anxiety and fear of rejection.
How are we going to do that?
By a technique called the “Eraser-technique”.
You know those endless negative thoughts that make you associate approaching with more pain than gain? This technique will literally erase those thoughts from your brain. Let me elaborate.
Everything we do here in life, all the choices we make, are based on two things: Avoiding pain or gaining pleasure. You might have read Sigmund Freud talk about this before.
You either do something so that you will avoid pain, or so that you will gain pleasure. Let’s say for example that you were hungry and grabbed a snickers bar. Your brain linked more pleasure from eating the snickers bar, than the pain from not eating it.
To use another example, let’s say you see a really good-looking girl on the street. The only reason you didn’t approach her was because you linked more pain from approaching her and potentially failing, than the pleasure you would get from actually succeeding and having a conversation with a beautiful woman or even getting her number. This is what we’re going to change.
We’re going to tear your old thought-patterns apart and change how you think about approaching and rejection for good. So here’s what I want you to do now:
Start writing a list of how NOT approaching girls will affect your life
Don’t hold back here, really spend some time on it and think about what affect this will have on your future.
Do you think NOT approaching will hinder your success with women and with life in general? I thought so too. Here’s an example list:
- I will never achieve my goals
- I will never meet the woman of my dreams and have to settle
- I will be alone for the rest of my life
- I will never create a loving family of my own
- I will be a complete failure in my life
- I will have wasted my life
Like I said, don’t hold back here. Just get it all out there, think of how much it would really harm your future. Now, time to take the next step.
Read all of those points out loud
Try to really imagine what it would look like in 10, 20, 30 years’ time. Try to really imagine how shitty it would be. Really FEEL it.
Imagine yourself 20 years from now, looking at yourself in the mirror and having NOT approached girls when you should’ve. How would you feel about yourself? Would you be happy? Would you be living a good life? Could you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of your accomplishments? It is really crucial that you feel the pain for real. Visualise the complete failure and really BE that failure for a couple of minutes. Do that now. Take a few minutes to wallow in the despair and then come back here.
Done? Great. How do you feel?
Hopefully, if you did it right, you feel like a piece of shit! Like, a complete wreck. The worse you can make yourself feel, the better. Don’t worry, now we’re going to change all this around.
Write down all the benefits you would actually GAIN by approaching
Again, here is an example list;
- I will know no fear and conquer the world
- I will earn the respect and admiration of my peers
- I will live a happy life with a woman I love
- I will experience the joy of making love with the woman of my dreams
You know what to do. Don’t hold back.
Now, stand up
Yes. Stand up. Do it now before you read anything else!
Are you standing? Good. Now I want you to put a big smile on your face. Yes, just smile. Force it and just move those facial muscles. Tilt your head a little bit backwards at the same time to push out your chin.
Now what I want you to do is put out your chest, like you’ve just received the powers of Superman. Stand there smiling, with your head tilted backwards and your chest out and try to feel as though you’re invincible. Feel the feeling of “I can do anything”. Just tell yourself over and over, “I am a champion”, “I am invincible”, or whatever rocks your boat. Imagine your wife, your family in the future. Visualise your friends and peers’ reactions after you tell them about the first time you approach and gain a woman’s number. Do you feel it? The pride, the admiration, the respect?
By now I hope you feel great. If you don’t, keep feeding yourself self-fulfilling affirmations until you do. What about now? That’s more like it. Alright, what you’re going to do now is to read your most recent list with all the benefits and pleasures you would get from actually going out and approaching.
Do this while you’re in the good mood that you already are. Read it out loud. Keep reading it a couple of times. Read it louder for every time that you read it. Start screaming it if you can and if you’re not worried about embarrassing yourself. It’s fun to be embarrassed, who cares? Now read it with me as loud as you can.
Just one more time. Great! You can sit down now.
Go back to that first list of bad things
Start feeling those bad feelings you get from it. As soon as those feelings start creeping in, switch to the good list. Feel the good feelings that it gives you.
Now back to the bad list, and the good, and back to the bad, and the good. Do this a couple of times until you have really started to feed your un-conscious mind this information. As a matter of fact, we have already done this. Your subconscious mind is now starting to link much more pain from NOT following through on what you’re supposed to, than the pain you’d get from actually doing it. But we’re not done yet!
Even though you’ve removed your approach anxiety (or at least taught yourself to take ACTION), we’re now going to do the same procedure with your fear of rejection. Again, create two lists, one containing all the bad things that will happen to you if you continue to have fear of rejection, and one list with all the pleasures you will get from NOT having fear of rejection. Don’t read anything more until you’ve done this. Are you done?
Let’s continue. Now we’re going to do another super-effective exercise that will finally free yourself from your fear of rejection for good. Actually, there’s two exercises (we’re almost done here, hang in there buddy). First of all, we’re going to change the way you automatically FEEL about rejection. By doing this you won’t feel that being rejected causes so much pain anymore, and you will automatically give less of a fuck whether you’re rejected or not.
You want to know a universal truth? Nearly all, if not every single one of the REALLY successful people in this world have gone through an enormous amount of rejection in their life. Did you know that before Jerry Seinfeld was famous, he was booed off stage? Or that Sidney Poitier (multiple Oscars-winner) was told, “Why don’t you just stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” Or that Stephen King had his million-dollar bestseller “Carrie” rejected over THIRTY times before it finally got picked up? Can you see now that rejection is nothing more than proof that you’re actually on the right path?
Can you see now that rejection is nothing else than some other human being, who knows NOTHING about you or who you really are, making a judgment upon you? Deciding who you are. Who cares what they say? What are they even basing it on? And remember, every time you get rejected it really comes down to one of two simple explanations:
- You were not your real self and you tried to be something you’re not. By trying and actually being rejected, you were given a favour. Now you know that acting like someone you’re not is not going to take you anywhere, and you can learn from it.
- You WERE yourself and you had honest intentions, but the girl you were speaking to just wasn’t interested for some reason. It doesn’t have to be because of YOU. Maybe she had a boyfriend. Maybe SHE was nervous, maybe SHE was acting like somebody else. And SHE failed, not you. But WHO CARES? All you need to say in that situation is, “NEXT!” Everyone is not going to like everyone else. Every girl you talk to is not going to be interested in you, it doesn’t matter whether you look like Brad Pitt or Quasimodo.
There’s somebody out there for everyone. As long as you keep doing you and keep looking, sooner or later you’ll find somebody that BEGS to be with you. Somebody that has actually been dreaming of a guy like you. And that is just the way the universe works. So now, let’s get on with the exercise before we lose track.
I want you now to write down a NEW definition of what being rejected means to you.
If you can’t come up with a good definition yourself, I’ll give you some examples:
- I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, so thank god she rejected me
- The more rejection I get, the closer I will get to my perfect girl
If you didn’t like those, come up with something yourself. The point here is that it should give you a sense of relief, that you honestly don’t care whether you get rejected or not. After you’ve written this down, read it out loud 10 times, with more intensity each time you read it. Feel the words going through your body and into your subconscious mind. Done? Good. Now let’s do our third and last exercise on rejection.
This one is maybe the most powerful of them all. This is the eraser-technique that I was talking about earlier. The reason for doing this technique is that it will erase the bad feelings and memories you’ve had of rejection in the past, and make it into something fun. This will make it A LOT easier for you to go out and talk to girls in the future. So much easier that it’s not even funny. Alright. Let’s begin.
Write down TWO experiences where you felt that you failed with women in the past
Now it’s time to dig deep. Think about this for a minute.
Try to dig up two really painful experiences that you’ve had where you felt like an absolute failure. Maybe you approached a woman and found you couldn’t speak, or perhaps you missed an opportunity by never texting a girl you actually really liked. It can be anything. Now think about it, and write the experiences down in a couple of short sentences on a piece of paper. When you’re finished, you’re going to do the same thing but this time write down two different painful experiences when you’ve felt REJECTED in the past.
Maybe you tried to ask out your crush in year 8 and she said no. Maybe you were at a club and asked a girl if she wanted a drink, and she screamed “No” and called you an ugly beast. Only you know what to write here. So do it now. Great, you have now written down a total of four painful experiences that you’ve had with girls in the past. And yes, this might have put you in a bad mood. This is perfectly normal, and we will take care of this in a second.
What I want you to do now is to take the first experience you wrote down, and replay the whole scene, just as it happened, in your head. Do that now.
Ok, now what I want you to do, is to play that little “movie” BACKWARDS in your head, with TWICE the speed of the original movie. Everything you do and everything that happens, happens backwards from the end to the start. And when you do this, add some amusing background track like the Benny Hill theme. Add some clown masks to both yours and the girl’s face. Play around with it, make it silly.
Now play it forward, again with twice the speed of the original happening or more. Keep the added sounds and funny faces. After you have played it, play it back again. And then forward, then back. Every time that you play the movie back and forth, turn up the speed and keep adding insane additions. Put yourself in a Big Bird costume from Sesame Street. Make her sound like Elmo. Think of it like you’re scratching that memory like a DJ scratching a vinyl record. Do this 10 times back and forth.
What we have done now is scratched your memory in such a way that you can never play it again. When you think of this later all you’ll think about is Elmo telling Big Bird to fuck off, or whatever else you added. Now you’re going to do the same thing with the other three memories. Scratch them up badly. DESTROY them.
Now how do you feel? Maybe you still feel bad or in a lousy, anxious mood. That’s normal. It will pass. You might have some bad feelings for a day or two, but the more time goes by, the more these feelings will pass away. And when you try to think of these memories 3 months or a year from now, the only thing you’ll be able to remember is all the FUN stuff that happened. Not too bad right?
Now there’s just one last thing I’ll ask you to do, and then we’re done with these brainwashing exercises.
Take out your piece of paper again, and think about how these painful things that happened were actually a GOOD thing
Write down what you learned from them. Re-frame the movies and make them positive. For example: If you had been rejected by the “love of your life” in year 8, you could have learnt not to fall in love with girls you’ve never even spoken to before. It’s up to you, you’re the master of this and you write what you feel is best for you.
I have now guided you through some extremely powerful techniques that whether you wanted it to or not, have changed your subconscious mind. You will not feel the same things as you did before. If you have followed the instructions correctly, and you have really tried to put some emotional effort into this, these exercises will have changed your life. Maybe you don’t feel it now, but for every day that goes by your unconscious mind will now have linked different things to approaching women and being rejected by them, than it had before.
Now, using this new power that has been given to you, you can go from saying “Hi” to a stranger, to talking just a minute longer than you would have previously, to asking for a number and finally organising the second date. Small steps lead up to big journeys.
I hope these tips will help you not only to improve yourself every day by 1% but also to build a better life, know what you want and need and go with the flow of happiness. And with these tips, I hope you can get out there and attract the kind of woman you want, whether it’s short or long term.
Good luck in whatever path you take my friend but never forget that the moment you decide to drop your dream, you have to live with that for the rest of your life.
If you require further advice on online dating, look no further than the wealth of articles on my website.
Good vibes always!