I always emphasise in my courses and seminars that when you’re talking to a girl, at a bar or anywhere else, you should be doing a tiny part of the talking.
The essential thing is to ask open questions, listen to her responses and use them to react and spark attraction. However, knowing the exact questions to ask a girl can be tricky, as you need her to feel as comfortable as possible about opening up.
When it comes to questions to ask a girl you like, you need to challenge her but not so much that it scares her off. And not only that, the questions need to give her a hint of who you are without spoiling the mystery.
Here are my ten suggestions that will get a great response for her every time.
So… what’s wrong with you, then?
This needs to be delivered with a knowing smile and good humour, but it immediately challenges her to defend herself and maybe even jokingly list her weaknesses.
You immediately open the way for refreshing, open and honest dialogue and jokey rapport that can spur the conversation onward.
It’s the kind of question that can go wrong, sure. But the right girl will show you her personality in response to it.
What’s one thing on your bucket list?
This will give you a sense of how adventurous a girl is and where she sets her sights.
It also gives her a chance to get excited and passionate about something – a place she wants to go, a type of animal she wants to meet, something she wants to achieve – and associate that feeling with being around you.
Maybe pull up an interesting example from your bucket list, whether real or imaginary.
What skill would you like to become a master at?
If the conversation is already in flirtatious mode, you can charge this with sexuality, but you can still ask this completely straight and get a great sense of who she wants to be.
It’s likely that she will take this opportunity to tell you about her current hobbies and achievements. Talent and skill are sexy attributes. Make her sell her skill set to you.
What’s one thing you’ve done, but will never end up doing again?
This might be because she won’t get the opportunity to do something again or shouldn’t try it again.
Either way, you’ll get an idea of her proactiveness and openness from what she is prepared to try and re-try.
Maybe even half-joke that you’ll be the guy to get her into that unlikely scenario again.
Do you have any pets?
Animals are the friendliest topic you can approach, and there are a great number of girls that will squee with delight at the mention of them.
Even if they don’t have pets, they’ll talk about a pet they used to have that died, or wanting a pet but living somewhere too small, giving you an opening for sympathy, Either way, it will get her conversational juices flowing.
This is one of the top personal questions to ask a girl. It still shows that you’re interested in her life, but it’s light enough that the conversation won’t become too steeped in intimate detail.
What celebrity would you switch lives with?
This will give you an idea of how she pictures her ideal life.
This question is basically ‘if you could have any life you wanted, how would it look?’
It’s a great platform for being contrarian as well, choosing an opposite life and apologising as a joke that you two are not going to work out.
What would you do with unlimited money?
This will give you a sense of her moral compass, as well as her good taste of her sense of style and hunger for adventure.
If she doesn’t mention charity at least once, you may want to be a bit wary. And you can gauge how much humour she puts into the answer as well.
You can maybe joke that you have unlimited money if she wants to put it to the test.
However you use it, it’s one of those questions to ask a girl to get to know her.
Where would you love to travel?
It’s great information to store up for later if you end up dating, to surprise her with a spontaneous trip. More than that, it opens up a great cultural exploration between the two of you and an impression of how much of the world she wants to see.
It’s important to share that enthusiasm, and always to follow up by asking why she wants to go there. Get her talking and happy.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
Anecdotes are always great for a laugh. I had a friend that used to straight up tell girls he defecated in his ski suit once while on holiday. It works every time.
Maybe ease them up with one of your pratfalls to start off, and then prompt them to tell one of their own more embarrassing stories.
Not only does it completely shatter the ice and break all boundaries between you, but it also opens up room for more anecdotes. You may want to retain some dignity though and quit while you’re ahead.
If you limit yourself to even 3 questions to ask a girl from this list, include this one. It’s seriously good.
Can you speak any foreign languages? Show me…
Knowing a foreign language is sexy. Maybe she has an exotic heritage or is brainy as hell. Perhaps she lived somewhere for a while and picked up a language and some stories along the way. This question is a great way of getting her to show off her skill set.
A language and even a dialect can unlock a whole lot of information about a person’s identity. Get her engaging and explaining at the same time.
There’s no finite list of questions to ask girls, but if it helps your confidence just slip a few of these in to keep the conversation running.
You can find out a whole lot more about confident conversation skills with women here