Falling for a girl isn’t something in which you have much of a say. Sometimes, she just ticks every box and connects with your values to the extent that you’re after a long-term relationship.
It sometimes just so happens that she is right under your nose. You may have always known, or the realisation may be slowly dawning on you.
But if you’re in love with your best friend, it can be torturous to have to adhere to the boundaries of friendship in spite of your deeper feelings.
One thing you do have a say in is how you handle it. You could walk away with what you really want, or you could ruin a firm friendship along with any chances of a romantic entanglement by failing to give it a good shot.
There is nothing wrong with falling in love with your best friend. There is, however, a problem with having put yourself there in the first place without taking any further action.
SHOW YOUR INTENT
The reason you’re in the friend zone is that you were too afraid to show those feelings when you first met her.
It can seem daunting, but you’ve got to start taking those first steps outside of the category you chose to put yourself in. Not taking action is a choice. So you need start showing your intent in ways that make you intriguing again.
It’s a little unfair on both of you to keep up the façade of friendship when your mind is on other things. A strong relationship should involve a level of friendship. But the parameters of friendship don’t leave room for romantic elements.
It’s up to you to change the parameters.
DON’T MAKE YOURSELF SO AVAILABLE
When you’re in love with your best friend, it can become so easy to hang out with her all the time like a buddy but become the fallback guy when her date doesn’t show or if guys aren’t showing interest.
You need to stop prioritising her. It’s very likely that you’re spending so much time with her because you want her to notice how you feel without needing a conversation that could make things awkward.
You’ve made her your world, but now you need to dive headlong into bigger matters.
Put your values and real life shit at the forefront of everything you do. Be busy, ambitious, driven, and unavailable. These are attractive qualities. It’s the scarcity factor that will make her start to reframe you in a sexual way.
Humans are attracted to items that are scarce – those hold the most value. The difference between the prices of a diamond and a rare diamond is pretty steep. Be that guy. Play the unavailable card.
Now that she can’t just fall back on you for a cuddle and a confidence boost, she may take this as a challenge to her perception of you. The same “in love with my best friend” feelings you experience will start creeping in.
BUILD INTIMACY: How to flirt with a friend
This is one of the biggest changes. A shift in the physical dynamic can be tricky to carry off successfully.
It has to be slow-moving. Transitioning from best friends to best friends in love cannot happen suddenly. The metamorphosis happens through a gradual acceptance of new feelings and increased physicality.
Eye contact is crucial, and your eyes need to smile when you look at her. Watch a funny clip on YouTube, something you know will make you laugh, and then look at yourself in the mirror. Those are the exact eyes you will need to use when maintaining eye contact.
In the moments you are together (now that you’re making yourself mysterious and unavailable) be sure to tell stories of women you’ve met. This will show you’re pre-selected by women, and that they are interested in you.
With women you don’t know, the way to appear pre-selected is by talking to other attractive women. However, you can use the platform of your friendship to relay your pre-selection to her in conversation.
When friends fall in love, it’s normally because someone else enters the picture and jealousy drives one of the friends to act.
You can control the flow of other women into the narrative of the friendship so that it’s not a rash decision when those jealous, romantic, protective feelings do escalate and become clear, but a considered, exciting moment.
She’s talked to you, no doubt, about loads of other guys. Now you get a turn.
Treat her like you would treat a person after you’ve decided: ‘It’s on.’ No more playing it safe. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
Think about your other successes with women, and start to factor into your interactions with your best friend those elements that made them successful.
TIME IS YOUR FRIEND
This is not a quick conversion, and trying to make it so can only do more harm than good. You’re trying to restructure her perception of you.
It’s going to take time, space, and persistence. It’s going to involve being unavailable for long periods, repeating the process, and telling her about the qualities you like in women, so she has criteria for which to qualify.
There is also no rush. She doesn’t know, or at least doesn’t see you that way yet, and so you have a relatively limitless time frame to work with (although making your feelings known, say, before she’s married to someone else might be a good start.)
Falling in love with a friend sounds like a hopeless situation, but the prize is considerable. You’ll have a partner with whom you’ve already shaped a deep connection and rapport.
It’s a long process, but you can start edging out of the friend zone today.
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