Turn a girl on with conversation

September 14, 2017 - 12 minutes read

turn a girl on

Ways to Turn Women on With Conversation

It’s practice that carries the art of approaching women in engaging ways.

But if you want to go home with a girl, there comes the point in the interaction where you need to turn up the excitement and lead the conversation in a sexual direction. You have to get comfortable with how to turn a girl on with words.

The transition from warm friendliness to flat-out seduction can seem tricky, but it can be subtle and supremely effective when well managed.

Seduction is a science, and there are tried-and-tested mechanisms in that you can use in a conversation to turn a girl on. I’m going to share with you 5 vital tips for moving a platonic conversation into an erotic place.


The state is the atmosphere and vibe you create just from the tone, volume, and pitch of your voice.

You should be opening boldly and making a friendly, outgoing, confident approach. That bright, positive energy is great, but it’s not an ideal platform for the kind of sensual language you’ll be using to seduce her.

To bring the ‘state’ of the conversation to a sexual place, you need to slow down, pause, and breathe. It gives everything you say a sexual lilt. You need to control your voice in the same way that you would dim the lights to set the atmosphere up for a sexual encounter.

Public speakers often use the concept of state-breaking – in fact, it permeates many walks of life.

When you break state, it shows that you’re very much in control of what you’re saying. State-breaking is everywhere, so start making use of it. Manage the tone of the conversation to create anticipation.


This is what I tell every client that comes along on my 7-Day Course: Everyone’s favourite subject is themselves.

Just as you use open questions to get her talking so you can mine for subject matter and create rapport, you can also use them to create erotic intrigue. If you’re asking the right questions and making the right assumptions, you will get to the best topics to excite her.

But you only master sex conversation by being a good listener. When I’m watching my clients make approaches, I find that the common flaws in their conversations with girls come from not listening.

It becomes clear that they are scrambling for the fastest way to get her into bed. Ironically, the fastest way to make the interaction sexual is to stimulate her mind. And that will only happen through good conversation skills.

It’s sad that you have to teach good listening. It should be natural, and it’s so simple once you get into the habit of being interested in people.

One guy took my programme and suffered quite noticeably from an inability to listen. He was, ironically, a journalist – listening is supposed to be his job.

When I raised this, he said that his work in journalism had shaped him into a worse listener. He interviewed people without listening to the content. He was only listening to his agenda and where he wanted to take the article.

This little story is a wonderful allegory for why people don’t listen during a conversation. But if you’re just thinking about conversation as a gateway to sex, you’re missing the whole point of talking to women.

She is giving you the best content you could need to set her up for a sexual adventure. Listen for it.

Also, be able to challenge interesting information when you hear it. Challenge her to learn more about the content you’re interested in.


Passive people are a huge turn-off.

Don’t be the Churchill Car Insurance dog. Being agreeable isn’t stimulating. Have an opinion. Women are turned on by men who challenge them.

As well as challenging, you can also relate to what they’re saying. Pick up on content from your own experiences that applies to what she’s saying. Maybe bring up anecdotes from a place they say they’ve been if you’ve been there too. Or, if you both like the same movie, don’t just agree with her – say why you like it.

Good communication is about making the conversation a great experience for the other person, and it is only by active engagement that you can achieve that. It also makes leading easier when you do want to throw in some more sexual conversation starters.


Having eye contact that darts all over the place shows insecurity. And if you seem insecure with yourself, how are you supposed to offer them the security they seek? That’s how women see unfocused eye contact.

If you’re speaking to a group, share the eye contact around. If you’re one-on-one, keep eye contact with her. I’ve got unmissable tips on how to maintain eye contact and use it to powerful communicative effect elsewhere on the blog.

It can help to think erotic or cheeky thoughts in your head while you’re connecting with her eyes. If you change the thoughts in your head, you can impact someone else’s. Feelings are transferable.

You choose how you make someone feel. That all starts with how you’re feeling. Feel doubt; you’ll instill doubt. Feel confident and secure; you’ll instill confidence and security. How to start a sexual conversation with a girl is in a large way dictated by what your eyes are saying.

You can practice confident eye contact throughout any normal day. Play eye contact chicken with passers-by. Maintain eye contact with someone you walk past and avoid being the last one to lose the connection.

Eye contact chicken will build up your ability to be firm when locking eyes.

Learn to become strong in social situations. After that, how to arouse a woman with words will just become part of that well-oiled social machine.

Work on building up certainty in your gaze.


How old are you?

What do you do?

Where are you from?

This is what I call “11 o’clock pub chat,” and it stimulates no one. Do not fall into the pattern of making small talk that could apply to any conversation you’ve ever had. Listen to what she’s saying and ask open topics to get her talking freely.

Be creative with responses and make them work for the answer, or use the opportunity to be a bit playful. Don’t give them the answer they’re looking for immediately.

A great example came from one of my students, who came out with “condom tester” when asked about his occupation. Not only is that fun and playful, but he also gave himself a platform to launch into a more sexual tone.

Bullshit for a little while, and then come out with your actual job. Show them the playful side and then the serious side that can offer them security. Don’t give up intimate information so easily. Always leave them wanting more.

If you share all of your intimate information straight off the bat, she’ll know everything about you. What reason would she then have to see you again and learn more? What motivation would you give her to explore who you are?

With sexual conversation, you have to get bored of saying the same thing all the time. Notice your patterns and smash them. Self-amuse and add value to the conversation. Throw in innuendos that you find funny and don’t be afraid of communicating your desires.

Some great advice on priming your sexual language is to read more. If you want to learn how to stimulate sexual excitement, read erotic fiction.

See how a sexual tone of language plays out on the page. Women crave this kind of literature, and publishers shift huge quantities of best-selling erotic novels for a reason. Erotic literature is your access route directly into women’s sexual imagination.


It defeats the purpose of mastering your sexual boundaries just to give you a list of pre-ordained words that magically switch on a girl’s sexual drive.

However, to give you a starting point, here are a few words you can drop into conversation to cue sexual thinking on her part.

  • Stimulate
  • Exciting
  • Experience
  • Surrender

As in:

When was the last time you allowed yourself to surrender to your weakness?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to experience excitement?

When was the last time you truly felt stimulated?

Go out there and test it in the market.

For the best guidance on arousing women, be sure to check out my 7-Day Programme HERE

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