Assumption is a prime conversation-killer. In this article, I will teach you about how to control that urge to assume and why clear communication is so important in dating and walks of life.
Communication is central to the human experience. Some people aren’t great at it, and they therefore assume that every conversation is going to go terribly for them.
Unfortunately, instead of avoiding the problem, this actually compounds it. Assuming that a conversation will dive bomb will stop you practicing interactions, and this increases the risk of having an awkward chat the next time you talk to someone.
This fear will then make you assume more, and… well, you get the picture. It’s a vicious cycle best avoided.
I’m going to give you some tips today on how to avoid that.
The dangers of assuming
When you assume certain things about a situation, it means you’re already entering it with a closed mindset.
I’ve been helping men relocate their confidence for almost a decade and a half. A huge part of their success has been about opening their minds to the possibility of a better version of themselves right from the outset.
Assumption is the basis behind most arguments, misunderstandings, and relationship breakdowns. You predict someone’s behaviour based on your own experiences, and this causes friction in the relationship.
But outside of being a barrier to great conversation, assumption is a person’s way of being unfair to themselves. Running a negative narrative in your head is only ever going to reap negative results.
If you assume a woman won’t talk to you, she won’t talk to you – because you don’t take the steps to make the conversation happen. Assuming you won’t get a job because the qualifications are too high means that you’re more likely not to go for it in the first place.
Naturally, this means you don’t get it, because you’re not putting yourself into contention. You see how assuming negative outcomes makes you your own worst enemy?
Don’t assume that the woman you want to go over and speak to has a boyfriend. Don’t assume that your partner knows your needs or that your colleague knows everything you do.
Negative assumptions are your mind’s way of making excuses not to change.
How can I use assumptions in a good way?
Assumptions can pose a threat to the development of self-esteem but using them in the right way can be a powerful tool in dating, sales, projecting confidence, and carryng a level of authority with you.
Assumptive language uses the opposite effect – assuming that a situation is going your way to inject the interaction with positivity and energy. If you’ve ever had a job in sales, you might well be aware of assumptive language.
Examples include replacing “are we going to proceed?” with “when do we start?”. Asking about practicalities rather than questioning whether the sale or date will even happen is a way of influencing the other individual’s thought process in a positive way.
In the same way, asking “I know this wonderful Mexican place round the corner that I’d love to show you” rather than “Do you want to go and get Mexican food?” is far more convincing.
Exuding proactivity is the idea: A person is much more likely to place trust in a person who knows what they want and has a definitive plan to get it.
This is how you beat the negative narrative that loops in your way.
How to beat your negative narrative
You only need to pull off a few successful instances of positive assumptive language to really get the ball rolling on your confidence.
Let’s say she really does have a boyfriend: The worst thing that can possibly happen in that scenario is a “no”. And you’d simply move on to the next one. Does it really sound all that bad?
This is what the assumptions are “protecting” you from. These conversations are opportunities, nothing more and nothing less.
You don’t know a person’s situation until you ask. So be positive and leave the door open for them to be warm and friendly. Most people are.
The way to achieve this is building a library of positive references. Push yourself to abandon your assumptions just a few times. You’ll see that many conversations will be incredibly good-natured and that you’ve been completely wrong in assuming people’s natures or situations.
Think back to these early encounters when you head into your next conversation. You should be developing a library of great moments that allow you not only to abandon your assumptions, but also avoid even starting to form them.
These are the first steps towards being naturally sociable and outgoing.
For a crash course in becoming social and talking to women, find out about my 7-Day Programme at www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training.