I’ve worked with literally thousands of guys to this day. Coming into my workshops and programmes, I ask them what they hope to gain out of their sessions. More often than not, this is the response I get:
“Women don’t like me. I want to change that.”
If you’re approaching the world of dating with the “why don’t girls like me?” mentality, here’s the simplest and most important answer: it’s because you’re asking that question in the first place.
You don’t believe a girl could see anything valuable in you. Why would you expect anyone else to invest in you, female or otherwise?
If you were a CEO but didn’t think your company had anything to offer, would you expect any financiers to drop money at your feet? Of course not.
Get that destructive narrative out of your head, and you’ll be ready to start.
I’m going to take you through a few tweaks you can make to how you’re coming across.
• Confidence – speech and body language/lifestyle
• Poor communication
This links to abandoning the “how come girls don’t like me?” attitude.
No woman owes you her companionship. You have to earn it. If you’re a dick, you’re not getting invited to the pub. It works the same when you’re talking to women.
If you don’t appear to like anything – your job, your town, the weather, the news – then you’re not giving anyone much motivation to hang out with you. Constant complainers don’t get far with the opposite sex.
Try and find positive routes through the conversation. Simply smiling while you talk helps, and if you honestly can’t find anything positive about a subject then change it.
Women are going out to escape negative news and the daily grind. They want someone they can have fun with and relax around.
That also applies to being negative about yourself.
Self-deprecating humour, or at least self-aware humour, can be a useful social icebreaker. But if you spent a whole lot of time dwelling on what you don’t have, or downplaying your job, or joking about being a bit of a slob, it’s going to be a turn-off.
It is always easier to be positive reacting to something she says or clicking with a similar interest than in going off on tangents about work.
Ask questions, get her talking, and be enthusiastic.
You don’t have to be a fantasist. You can keep the conversation within the realms of reality – not everything’s perfect. If you seem like a man who can take stock of what he’s got and be content, you’ll become ten times as attractive.
It is what’s inside that counts, but you have to sell yourself through your presentation.
Guys are notorious for not putting enough effort into how they look. At least half the men any of us know is perfectly happy in trackies and a football shirt or polo neck. Perhaps a baggy band t-shirt and misshapen jeans are your comfort clothes of choice.
I accept that not all of us are Ryan Gosling, but if you make an effort with your appearance, even just making sure your facial fuzz is neatly trimmed, your hair kept smart, and your clothes well-suited and fitted, will work for you twofold.
It won’t just be more aesthetically pleasing. You won’t just look the part but feel it as well. If you feel like you’ve invested in your appearance, this confidence will show in your body language and conversation as well.
This also applies online. If you’re online dating but somewhat lacking in responses, or firing blanks in Messenger or Twitter inboxes, you might want to think about the side of you shown in your profile. Are you hammered in your pictures? Are there no pictures of you outside? Are you scowling in every image?
If you come across as a fun guy, it will make it far easier to justify spending time in your company.
And if your life isn’t really that fun…
It only comes from having a healthy lifestyle you love.
If you aren’t having fun, why? No wonder you keep asking, “how come girls don’t like me?” You haven’t properly learned to enjoy time in your own company.
Start today. Take up a martial art, or an instrument, or join a gym. Travel to a bunch of places. Do some volunteering or run for charity.
Not only do these things make you more interesting, but your core confidence will also improve as you progress towards self-betterment.
Chances are if you’re sitting with a girl and thinking “why doesn’t she like me?” it’s coming across in your body language.
You might have your arms crossed, or be fidgeting, or slouched. You may keep running out of things to say, or be avoiding eye contact. That insecurity will show.
If you’re making the most of your spare time and investing in yourself, then you should be able to keep your chest out and your shoulders back without thinking. Eye contact will come naturally. You will have no problem using your full diaphragm to talk, instead of just your nose or throat.
These are all things to consider individually. But if you tackle the problem at the centre, by building confidence, you’ll find you can simultaneously address these issues.
Health is hugely important. If you look like you’ve been drinking for weeks on end, you’ve got hollow, dark rings around your eyes, or you’re constantly wheezing and out-of-breath during the conversation, they’re likely to lose interest. If your teeth are yellow, she’s not going to be tempted to kiss you.
If a girl is thinking long-term, she wants to know you’re going to be alive and well to provide. Health issues can create a world of misery, and no girl is looking to get into that, especially if it’s over something avoidable like smoking or a terrible diet. You’ll be doing the “girls never like me” dance for a while yet.
Unavoidable health issues aside, you’ve got to look after yourself. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising regularly, and keeping on top of dental hygiene.
You can be proactive about this. There’s plenty of information out there on how to eat healthily and thousands of hours of instructional YouTube exercise footage. The energy and confidence you get simply from healthy living is unparalleled.
Likewise with getting drunk or high all the time. Some girls are into that lifestyle, but any keepers are going to be put off by constant dependency on a substance, and it’s going to put years on your face.
This loops back to my original point about negativity. If you are talking too much, or too loudly, or just feeding back to her with disinterested filler like ‘yeah’ and ‘mm-hmmm,’ she’s going to close down immediately.
Communication is where most of these battles are lost. Misreading the tone and saying something stupid, digging yourself a hole you can’t get out of, or sometimes simply talking too much are all primary turn-offs.
I’ve plenty of other articles on here about the art of communicating effectively, but the main thing to remember is being reactive. If you actively listen, and respond to what she says, building new lines of enquiry, she will be far more engaged in your company.
It’s difficult to consider any one of these things in isolation, which is why it is important to start building your confidence today, so these social pitfalls will just naturally start to fall away.
Get in touch at https://www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training and see why it’s more a case of Why Girls Don’t Like Me… Yet…
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