I’ve worked with literally thousands of guys to this day. Coming into my workshops and programmes, I ask them what they hope to gain out of their sessions. More often that not, this is the response I get:
“Women don’t like me. I want to change that.”
If you’re approaching the world of dating with the “why don’t girls like me?” mentality, here’s the simplest and most important answer: it’s because you’re asking that question in the first place.
You don’t believe a girl could see anything valuable in you. Why would you expect anyone else to invest in you, female or otherwise?
If you were a CEO, but didn’t think your company had anything to offer, would you expect any financiers to drop money at your feet? Of course not.
So get that destructive narrative out of your head and you’ll be ready to start.
I’m going to take you through a few tweaks you can make to how you’re coming across.
- Confidence – speech and body language/lifestyle
- Poor communication
This links to abandoning the “how come girls don’t like me?” attitude.
No one owes you their companionship. You have to earn it. If you’re a dick, you’re not getting invited to the pub. It works exactly the same with women.
If you don’t appear to like anything – your job, your town, the weather, the news – then you’re not giving anyone much motivation to hang out with you. Constant complainers don’t get far with the opposite sex. Try and find positive routes through the conversation (simply smiling while you talk helps) and if you honestly can’t find anything positive about a subject then change it.
There’s enough doom and gloom without adding to it. It’s the whole reason the leisure and hospitality industry is as bustling as it is. People go out to escape and taste a bit of positive energy amidst the endless dredge of depressing news they see daily.
That also applies (see above) to being negative about yourself. Self-deprecating humour, or at least self-aware humour, can be a useful social icebreaker. But if you spent a whole lot of time dwelling on what you don’t have, or downplaying your job, or joking about being a bit of a slob, it’s going to be a turn-off.
It is always easier to be positive in the moment, reacting to something or clicking with a similar interest, that going off on tangents about work. Ask questions, get her talking, and be enthusiastic.
You don’t have to be a fantasist. You can keep conversation within the realms of reality – not everything’s perfect. But if you seem like a man who can take stock of what he’s got and be content, you’ll become ten times as attractive.
You hear so many guys say “no girl wants me” whilst dressed like they’re about to put a brick through the window of a chippie.
Guys are generally notorious for not putting enough effort into how they look. At least half the men any of us know are perfectly happy in trackies and a football shirt or polo neck. Perhaps a baggy band t-shirt and misshapen jeans are your comfort clothes of choice.
Look, I accept that not all of us are Ryan Gosling. But if you make an effort with your appearance, even just making sure your facial fuzz is neatly trimmed and you hair kept smart and that you’re wearing tasteful clothes that suit and fit you, this will work for you twofold.
It won’t just be more aesthetically pleasing from the off. You won’t only look the part, but you will feel the part as well. That’s almost the more important thing to focus on. If you feel like you’ve invested in your appearance, it will show in your body language and conversation as well.
This also applies online. If you’re online dating but somewhat lacking in responses, or firing blanks in Messenger or Twitter inboxes, you might want to think about the side of you shown in your profile. Are you constantly hammered in your pictures? Are there no pictures of your outside? Are you scowling in every image?
If you come across like a guy who has actual fun, it will make it far easier to justify spending time in your company.
And if your life isn’t really that fun…
It only comes from having a healthy lifestyle you really like.
If you aren’t having fun, why? No wonder you keep asking, “how come girls don’t like me?” You haven’t properly learned to enjoy time in your own company.
Start today. Take up a martial art, or an instrument, or join a gym. Travel to a bunch of places. Do some volunteering or run for charity.
Not only do these things make you more interesting, your core confidence will improve as you progress towards self-betterment.
Chances are, if you’re sitting with a girl and thinking, “why doesn’t she like me?” it’s coming across in your body language. You might have your arms crossed, or be fidgeting, or slouched. You may keep running out of things to say, or be avoiding eye contact. That insecurity will show.
But if you’re making the most of your spare time, and investing in yourself, then you should be able to keep your chest out and your shoulders back without thinking. Eye contact will come naturally. You will have no problem using your full diaphragm to talk, instead of just your nose or throat.
These are all things to consider individually. But if you tackle the problem at the centre, that confidence, you’ll find you can address these at once.
Health is hugely important. If you look like you’ve been on the lash for weeks on end, or you’ve got hollow, dark rings around your eyes, or you’re constantly wheezing and out-of-breath during the conversation, they’re likely not going to be interested. If your teeth are yellow, she’s not going to be tempted for the kiss.
If a girl is thinking long-term, she wants to know you’re going to be alive and well to provide. Health issues can create a world of misery, and no girl is looking to get into that, especially if its over something avoidable like smoking or a terrible diet. You’ll be doing the “girls never like me” dance for a while yet.
Unavoidable health issues aside, you’ve got to look after yourself. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising regularly and keeping on top of dental hygiene as well.
This is something you can be proactive about. There’s plenty of information out there on how to eat healthy and thousands of hours of instructional YouTube exercise footage. The energy and confidence you get simply from healthy living is unparalleled.
Likewise with getting pissed or high all the time. Some girls are into the lifestyle too, but any keepers are going to be put off by constant dependency on a substance, and it’s going to put years on your face.
This lops back round to my original point about negativity. If you are talking too much, or too loudly, or just feeding back to her with disinterested filler like ‘yeah’ and ‘mm-hmmm’, she’s going to immediately close down.
Communication is where most of these battles are lost. Misreading the tone and saying something stupid, or digging yourself a hole you can’t get out of, or simply not shutting up sometimes – these are all primary turn-offs.
I’ve plenty other articles on here about the art of communicating effectively, but the main thing to remember is being reactive. If you actively listen, and respond to what she says, and build new lines of enquiry, she will be far more engaged in your company.
It’s difficult to consider any one of these things in isolation, which is why it is important to start building your confidence today so these social pitfalls will just naturally start to fall away.
Get in touch at https://www.johnnycassell.com/pua-training and see why it’s more a case of Why Girls Don’t Like Me… Yet…
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