Success with Christian dating
It can be pretty hard getting into dating when there’s someone else involved. When that someone else is Jesus Christ, it gets even more tricky.
Christianity is intended as a bringer of peace and happiness in daily life, as with any religion. And if you believe in it enough that it is part of your daily lives, wanting to focus on Christian dating and building a Christian family, then you have to set clear boundaries and have great focus and integrity.
As I tell my students on the 7 Day Course, that doesn’t mean forgoing fun, strong romantic feelings and giving the best of yourself to a girl. You also have to be just as competitive, and it doesn’t mean turning the other cheek and letting someone else get the girl you like.
Whether you’re on Christian dating sites or at church camp, stay within these boundaries, and you can’t go far wrong.
• GAUGE HOW IMPORTANT RELIGION IS FOR YOU
• HANG OUT WITH OTHER CHRISTIANS
• FIND CONFIDENCE OUTSIDE OF VICES
• SET MUTUAL LIMITS
• DON’T GO AGAINST YOUR BELIEFS FOR A GIRL
Let me take these one at a time.
Gauge how important religion is for you
If Christ is a common thread, and he’s important to both of you, he’s bound to come up in conversation. In the UK and US especially, there’s varying levels of faith and so many different denominations that more than almost any other religious connection it’s important that you know where to draw the line.
Case in point: I have a friend whose Mum and Dad are Baptist and Catholic respectively. Growing up, my friend got a taste of both, but on wanting to become Baptist, her dad insisted she go through confirmation and become Catholic. Now she isn’t religious at all.
So work out if your denominations are compatible. Importantly, gauge how important religion is in your lives.
If you like the idea of having a Christian family and are not particularly pious, you may not be used to the restrictions of dating a highly religious woman, and vice versa. You might also be missing out on a sexual relationship if that isn’t something that bothers you before marriage.
There’s no wrong or right answer for this part. Just refer to the scriptures and know what you stand for if you are basing a relationship choice on a belief system.
Hang out with other Christians
The great thing about looking for Christian girls is the togetherness of Church communities. There are always social events going on with like-minded people.
Plus, you may end up doing volunteering or charitable work with a girl you like, which aside from the simple act of putting good into the world is a great chance to show your best side.
If you’re a little intimidated by church or don’t go often, then you could do worse than Christian dating sites. They function just the same as dating sites for free outside of Christianity, and the great thing is you can let them do the filtering for you.
Here are a few fantastic free dating websites to find other Christians. There are great free dating sites in the USA and the UK.
Christian Dating for Free: http://www.christiandatingforfree.com
CDFF – UK Christian dating app https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/christian-dating-for-free/id625001689?mt=8
Christian Connection: http://www.christianconnection.com
Christian Mingle login: https://www.christianmingle.com/Registration/
With religious relationships, it always helps to meet face-to-face and enjoy each other’s company. If you’re waiting until marriage to have sex, enjoying your time together is hugely important.
Finding confidence outside of vices
If you’re Christian enough to have searched for this article, you probably abstain from most if not all vices. Though it’s common enough to watch non-religious young and free singles chat with a beverage in tow, you have to glean your confidence from elsewhere.
Putting the ‘Christian singles’ label on you both takes away from the fact that this should be a normal date. You still have to carry yourself with pride, and still have to capitalise on what makes you special and fun.
You still ask open questions, let her talk and react to what she is saying, actively listening as you go.
You can pray before going out if needs be, whatever makes you feel great. Just go out with an aim to talk to as many people as you can, and form new friendships and connections with Christian girls.
If anything, Christianity is just one more thing in common with the girl you’re talking to, and that is always a bonus. Don’t hang around the topic for too long, even if you’re religious – focus on what makes you an individual.
Think about what you’d put on a free dating site – not just ‘Christian.’ You’d put ‘likes tennis’ or ‘enjoys a good subtitled movie’ or something that gives a sense of who you are. Carry yourself in a similar way.
Set mutual limits
Free dating and Christian dating often lead to the same crossroads: what to do when sex enters the picture.
As I mentioned before, there are so many different shades of Christianity that you need to know each other’s boundaries, much like secular dating.
It’s good to pre-emptively set out your stall, although it’s more likely that whoever is more in favour of chastity will draw a line in the sand first.
Don’t give up on what you believe for a girl
No girl is worth your integrity and your moral values. Always hang on to your core beliefs. Respect them and respect yourself.
I’m in no position to vouch for one stance over another, but if you don’t want to sleep with a woman until you’re married, don’t let temptation lead you elsewhere.
Likewise, if you’re looking for a sexual relationship instead, you may end up frustrated at having to adapt to a chaste girlfriend’s pace.
Head to one of those free online dating sites – or your nearest Church seminar – and give it a go!
Have a look at my courses here if you want to build your confidence with women.