Women send clear signals to show that they’re not attracted to guys.
Some may be extremely direct. Others may meander around what they actually mean. Certain women will string a guy along without directly saying no altogether.
It’s important for men to understand these signs, as they’re the fine line between a clean break with managed expectations and a messy situation. The time you invest in chatting to a woman who doesn’t feel the same attraction as you could be better spent with others.
Respecting these boundaries is the only decent thing to do. If you’re chatting to a girl for the first time and they set these boundaries, they may well be testing your reserve. However, after a certain point, it’s clear that she doesn’t feel a spark.
Recognising this, keeping your head held high, and moving on are important skills to learn when you’re developing confidence with women.
I tell my students that there is no such thing as rejection, only feedback. If she’s just not that into you, there was something in your posture, language, and approach that didn’t spark attraction. You just need to learn as much as you can from the experience and remain positive.
I’m going to walk you through seven clear indicators that you need to switch up your style.
There are myriad ways that a woman will indicate their lack of stimulation from your approach. Some are immediate and blunt. Others take longer to become obvious.
Knowing how to read these cues will help you know when to start escalating to build attraction and when to continue talking to other people with a view to building your social snowball.
1. “I have a boyfriend”
This is usually the first barrier that goes up, especially in bar or club environments. It’s an easy way for women to filter the wheat from the chaff when it comes to potential partners.
It’s a way to test your mettle and see how you handle objections and project confidence.
However, sometimes they really do have a boyfriend and no intention of cheating.
Either way, if guys outstay their welcome, this signal will come out whether she’s taken or not.
The best way to overcome this is through charisma and humour.
“Oh? A boyfriend? Is he good-looking too, he can join us?”
“Damn, he sounds great. Can I have his number instead?”
“Luckily, I’m gay as houses, so that’s fine.”
If you add little unexpected elements, you’ll generate that much more mystery around you. At this point, she’s far more likely to want to find out more and keep the conversation flowing.
2. Radio silence
If a woman stops responding to contact, be it phone calls, texts, or social media messaging, it means that you didn’t make enough of an impact when you first met.
Sending multiple messages without response not only serves as her dictating her lack of interest, but also actively reduces how attractive she will find you. Repeated messaging oozes desperation, and there are few things that appeal to a woman less.
Getting a phone number is a step in the right direction. But it’s no guarantee that a woman will feel a similar way the next day.
A powerful first impression is the surest way to generate intrigue and inspire further conversation.
3. “I like you more as a friend.”
If you don’t lay out your intent in your first meeting, she might wind up miscategorising you as a friend instead of a prospect for intimacy.
There’s nothing wrong with friends. But if it’s a woman you approached due to sexual attraction, it’s misleading to continue contact under the guise of friendship. It’s also just a way of her telling you that she doesn’t view you in the same light you view her.
In reality, framing you as a friend is just a slow, painful message that she’s not interested. And it’s not fair on her, either. You’re essentially lying to her about being okay with friendship when you’re not, just so that you can be near her in some way.
If you hear that she’d rather be friends, it’s best to cut your losses for both your sakes. Just reply that you don’t see her in that light, and it wouldn’t be fair on either of you to prolong contact under false pretences.
Wish her the best and move onto the next interaction with a mind to being clearer about your intent when you make an approach.
4. “Sorry, I can’t today, how about next week?”
Setting a date in stone to meet up with a woman can sometimes be a wild goose chase.
If you’re starting to sense that she might be avoiding putting concrete arrangements into place, it’s probably because she doesn’t want to. Many women fear a negative or angry response to what they perceive as rejection so dance around the subject and make excuses.
What they may not realise is that when they string out a signal in this way, they may actually generate more frustration and resentment in men who aren’t equipped to handle it.
Directness is, again, the order of the day here. Set your own boundaries – one cancelled date may have genuine reasons behind it, but two more will likely be sending a deeper message. If she’s excited about the idea of seeing you, she’d see you.
Your job is to generate enough excitement when you first meet that she wants to rekindle it with another hangout.
5. She starts seeing someone else
You’d be surprised how few guys get the message when she starts up a fling or even an engagement with another man.
It may be that you’ve exchanged a few texts back and forth, and, suddenly, you hear she’s dating someone else.
That may feel like a personal slight. In reality, it’s likely he captured her imagination better when they first met, and that he demonstrated signs of confidence and long-term stability that made him a better long-term prospect for intimacy.
She may have been cheating on her man with you but then announced a surprise engagement. This could take you aback, but it could be a change of heart or a sign that you were only ever a long-term prospect.
Many of my clients ask me about getting back their ex or stopping a girl moving on with another man. I always tell them it’s better to draw a line under it and learn from the experience.
You might feel hurt, but it passes, and you’ll end up being better at communication afterward.
6. “Can my friends come along?”
You should absolutely get to know her friends – it’s great for building trust. And it’s a great idea to bring her along to parties, gathering, and fun, social activities when you’re building a bond.
However, if she always seems to work around spending time together, it’s likely that she’s either struggling to feel comfortable around you or sending the message that she’d rather pursue a friendship.
Go to as many social events with her as you see fit. When it starts to feel like you’ve not been able to hang out with her alone, make a point of highlighting it.
“Your friends are great people, but I’d love to get to know you a bit better and spend some real time with you. I know a great spot in town we can chill together. 8pm?” Be proactive, show intent, and give strong hints that she can have even more fun when it’s just you.
If she insists her friends come along, it’s time to accept her boundaries and move on.
7. “Sorry, I’m not really looking to date at the moment.”
You might hear women swear off dating altogether as a way to let you know they don’t feel attraction.
But you can guarantee that if the right guy communicated with her in the right way, she’d pick dating back up again in a heartbeat.
Women will pretend they’re not interested in dating. The real message is “You haven’t yet convinced me you will add value or fun to my life on a long- or even medium-term basis.”
You have to generate an atmosphere during your first conversation that solidifies one notion: That the idea of spending time around you is fun.
Some women might’ve just left a tense relationship, and the idea of dating and finding commitment is still daunting. They may genuinely not be ready. However, it’s your job to convince her that an evening of intimacy with you needn’t involve commitment.
Women have many methods for suggesting that you’ve not made an immediate impact. Inevitably, “no” will win out in some cases.
Success with women doesn’t mean escalating to the next level every single time. It means riding a wave of positivity from one conversation to the next.
It’s that energy that makes you seem like a fun prospect for a date and rapidly starts to bring down the number of barriers and objections you experience.
With 15 years of industry experience, I can help you build the social momentum you need to overcome your barriers. Check out my virtual Impactful Connection workshops. Start reshaping interactions today.