How to get out of the Friendzone
One of the most famous scenes in the Lion King involves Simba and Mufasa, perched up on Pride Rock, discussing their kingdom being everything the light touches. You know the one:
Everything the light touches… But what about that shadowy place?
That’s beyond our borders. You must never go there Simba.
That place, my friends, is the Friendzone. If you are there, you are The Friend. And getting out of the friend zone is a struggle we see in almost every rom-com but one that is palpably real for many men worldwide. Unrequited love, or lust, can be a painful and prolonged experience and if you don’t set your parameters right, you might lose a shot at a great woman.
It’s important to remember right the way through reading this if you can that you don’t have to know to escape the friend zone if you know how to avoid the friend zone. You don’t need to be a world -class spelunker if you simply look out for potholes and step around them.
BUT if you have fallen headlong into the Zone, or are even beginning to ask ‘am I in the friend zone?’, you need to know how to get out of the friend zone and how to stay out of the friend zone.
WHAT DOES ‘FRIENDZONE’ MEAN?
What is the friend zone? Is it always negative? There is nothing wrong with friendship.
Relationships can be make ten times more rewarding if there is a strong element of friendship involved, and girls also make for tenacious and compassion friends if you’re hanging out with them for innocent reasons.
However, if you really liked a girl originally, half-arsed or ham-fisted your approach (or simply did not take affirmative action in an exciting time frame) and are simply hanging around waiting for them to stop talking to you about their crushes and dreams, this is the friend zone.
So what does ‘friendzoned’ mean? Like, actually? It doesn’t mean you are any worse a love than friend and any less legitimate a partner than the crushes she tells you about. It also doesn’t mean there is nothing that can be done about it.
HOW TO NOT GET FRIENDZONED
Like trying to raise university fees for accidental babies, to get out of the friend zone it is perhaps better to protect yourself ahead of time rather than handle it when it’s there. This means that your general approach with women should be forthright in the first place. If she knows you’re attracted to her, and you’re acting on it, then even if you aren’t successful at first you’ve set your boundaries and you’ve defined yourself relationship in those terms.
Rationing contact is another important factor is ensuring that the concept of you stays fresh and exciting and unfamiliar. Make each meeting count – I sometimes set myself a rule only to hang out at gigs and parties until things are moving in a direction I’m happy with.
Take control of your interactions with women and make sure they understand why you are talking to them before it’s too late.
This doesn’t mean sit and wait for her to come to you – she won’t – or baseless optimism without realism. This just means not to react negatively if she puts you in your place, or does something to reinforce the friendship. If she feels uncomfortable in your presence you’ll go from friend to end pretty quickly. Simply move on to pastures new and see the friendship for what it really is, or if you really can’t handle it then cut her loose. With the second option, however, she’ll resent you for it, and if you feel this pent up about her the likelihood is you weren’t going to get much further anyway.
SEE OTHER GIRLS
Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but a powerful tool. She doesn’t need to be involved with anyone.
Even if you do have an overriding sense of wanting to be with her. Cast your net wide and continue to have a lot of fun with a lot of people, and by no means turn down potential encounters on her behalf. She has labelled you in a certain way and will not be slowing down her own romantic life – you’re under no obligation to do the same.
Am I in the friend zone? Does it matter? Not only will this give you any number of other options which could flourish into more than your friend gives you, but she will see your social and sexual currency and start naturally wondering if she could be one of those lucky girls.
Also, it goes without saying that if you’re with multiple women in the time you’ve known her, you know a thing or two about how to get a girl off.
ADD A SENSE OF MYSTERY
Withhold a bit of yourself. It sounds strange, and maybe will detract from the friendship a little, but at this stage you kind of need that. You don’t have to be hostile or seem dangerous. Just don’t give her everything on a plate.
Go out with other people and have groups of friends she doesn’t meet. Don’t let her into every area of your life just yet. If she’s already there, try new things without her. Take up a new hobby you don’t tell her about.
The less she knows about you, the less she will be able to consider you a friend, and the more open she will be to .
DON’T PLAY THE BOYFRIEND IF IT’S NOT COMING BACK YOUR WAY
You’re shooting yourself in the foot if you think you’re going to prove anything like this. You’re not
going to get out of friend zone if you give her everything she wants unconditionally. What is friend zone? Friend zone is failing to set her expectations, and this is a spectacular waste of time, effort and money to invest in failure.
Make sure she pays for meals and days out if you’re dating other women. Don’t offer up cuddles willy-nilly (although fleeting physical contact before any approach is key) and don’t call her and text her all the time for idle chats.
Don’t provide the emotional side of her relationship
One of the key factors is knowing however to get a friend to like you in more physical ways is respect.
The boundaries of friendship/romance are tricky waters to navigate, and most girls are not actively trying to work out how to friend zone a guy – it just happens when you do not approach her in the right way.
Always know where her line is and only overstep it when she invites you to. Forcing yourself on her with no buildup creates huge barriers as well as having ethical implications. If she shies away, ask her if she’s okay and pull back.
Showing respect goes a long way to making a woman feel special, and she wants that in the guy she ends up with.
The friend zone is a peculiar mess, and sometimes you are simply too deep. However, with this alongside the guidance in my 7 Day Course, you should have enough options outside of this zone to scoop success with women, and the tools to do something about your situation.