You see it in tacky rom-coms from any decade: that mawkish guy who has no idea how to talk to girls but§ learns to overcome his barriers and becomes confident and sexy. As soon as he knows how to open the conversation, it never stops, and it leads somewhere very promising indeed.
With my clients on my 7 Day Course, I often find that their primary struggle is striking up and maintaining conversation. Fluent conversation is a great way to create a relaxed atmosphere where touching and flirting are a natural consequence, and one of the key ways to put across your personal brand.
That, my friends, is what women buy into when they show they are interested. So don’t worry too much about specific things to talk about with a girl, and focus more on the pace of the conversation, making her feel good and represent yourself as truthfully as possible.
Follow these steps and you should be in with a shout:
- LEARN HOW TO TALK.
- APPROACH ASSUMPTIVELY.
- MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.
- ASK OPEN QUESTIONS.
- TALK ABOUT HER.
- MAKE HER LAUGH.
It’s one thing to be able to talk to girls online, but approaching girls face-to-face takes a lot of spark and a sense of fun. But before you learn what to talk about with a girl…
Learn how to talk.
This seems like something you would have mastered by, let’s say, age 5, but it’s not quite as simple as that. We get into bad habits when talking like mumbling, talking too fast and swearing excessively that can act as barriers when communicating with anyone. When talking to girls, it flags up as a sign of ailing confidence, and there’s no better way to get rejected.
So talk proud. You don’t have to be a silver-tongued car salesman type (although if you are feel free to take some of those tactics into the world of women – it’s the same principle) or a world-class orator but make sure there’s life in your voice. Don’t be afraid to laugh and smile – this lifts the corners of your mouth and automatically gives you a relaxed and amiable expression.
Do you hate the sound of your voice on an answering machine? Most people do. So record yourself. Not obsessively, mind – just a minute or so of natural talking. Find a tone that suits you and fits your personal brand.
Don’t spend so long fretting over how to talk to a girl you like that you forget to sound like the best you.
Why should anyone else believe in your brand if you don’t? You have to assume she wants to talk to you. How to get girls is exactly the same as how to secure leads, how to give a presentation or how to succeed in a job interview – make them sell themselves to you. It seems crazy, right? You have to believe you are of value before going into the approach.
How to approach a girl is like you already have a meeting with them, like you knew them already, or like you’ve heard of them from somewhere. It’s even something to joke about in the conversation.
Positivity attracts positivity, so be outgoing and bold and believe that you hold social currency. The fact that you’re walking up to her puts you above a surprising majority of guys. Knowing that is the key to triggering a killer conversation.
Maintain eye contact.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and they’re not far wrong – locking eye contact is the best way to talk to girls and show you mean business. Forget how to talk to girls on Tinder (although it’s useful in other ways) because being able to look a woman in the eye and tell her she looks beautiful is the key to making her feel special.
And if she feels special, she’ll have the same confidence with which you approached her (see above).
Eye contact is also a great way to move from a chin-wag to tonsil tennis, by triangulating your gaze from her eyes to her lips. You can suggest and communicate a great deal with your eyes alone.
Ask open questions
I find this especially useful with how to talk to girls at parties. If you limit your questions to ‘yes’ or ‘no’ mundanities, you’re going to find that the conversation face-plants at a dead end in due course. Ask open questions that encourage her to give a longer response. For example, if you’re in a bar or club, instead of:
“Are you here celebrating something tonight?”
“What brings a girl like yourself out tonight then?” or “How come you ended up here tonight then?”
And you should find that her answer opens other conversational doors for you – either to ask questions, or make observations. Learn as much about her as you can and use her answers.
Humans are social animals, and you don’t have to be the biggest one or the most efficient at killing to prove you are the alpha. A woman doesn’t want to see that you know how to talk to women, she wants to see how you function socially and that means being genuinely interested in the individuals in your environment. Asking open questions shows a woman you want to know about her, and that makes her feel special.
Which brings me to:
Talk about her
Don’t worry too much about what to talk about with a girl you like. She doesn’t want a rehashed list of topics you got from a blog like this one. What do girls like to talk about? Themselves, generally speaking.
That’s not to imply that all women are selfish; most people are out for themselves, especially in dating. But giving her room to present herself at her own pace relaxes her, and that’s when you can start elaborating on your own life and interests.
You should be comfortable enough in your own skin and conviction that this comes across in how you’re holding yourself and talking to her, even if you’re not directly talking about yourself. Give her a chance to feel confident and safe being genuine around you.
Make her laugh
You don’t have to be a comedy genius, but the golden step in how to get any girl to like you is creating an easy, jovial atmosphere. Just have fun, be outrageous, give out positivity and openness and she will laugh from sheer comfort.
Poke gentle fun at her or make observations about people in the room. You don’t have to be a dick – just notice things and play games. Tell her embarrassing stories and don’t be afraid of silly stories.
I have a friend who very confidently retells a story to almost every new girl he speaks to. The story is simply: “So I went skiing once and shat myself.” It has almost always got a laugh and gets at least a phone number 80% of the time. I wouldn’t suggest regurgitating m
Pretend to notice someone and say “Oh hey… wait, sorry, I thought I saw my hair from six years ago.”
A questions that also works wonders for me is “Would you rather be attacked by lots of duck-sized horses or a horse-sized duck?”
Make her imagination run wild and try to lead the conversation into a direction that involves light touching – playful touches on the elbow or shoulder, mock dance moves or even high fives work a treat.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in a conversation when you know what to talk about with a girl you like that you forget why you’re there. Through touching, get closer. Remember that talking isn’t the be all and end all, and if you’re at a public event and she’s been talking to you for a long time, having just met you, it’s likely she wants more.
How to close is for an article another time, but remember to let your intentions be clear and to keep your confidence high.
Knowing what to talk to girls about is all well and good, but knowing how to manage the flow of a conversation is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs.
To master the art of conversation with women, why not explore on my 7 Day Course? Click here for more info.