Here’s what to say if she says she has a boyfriend
October 28, 2016 - 11 minutes readThings to say of she has a boyfriend
‘I like this girl, but she has a boyfriend.’
You could work with her, go to school with her, or be in a band with her. She could be part of your wider social circle, or even a close friend. You don’t choose who you like, and you don’t choose her circumstances, but ‘I have a boyfriend’ can still present one hell of a barrier.
Do you want to be the guy that says ‘my crush has a boyfriend’? I thought not. You want to be the guy that has her guy signing up to my 7 Day Course looking for ways to meet other girls. It’s tricky, but the best part of it all is if you say the right things and keep your confidence high, you can come out of the situation without being the bad guy.
‘DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND’ IS TOO TRANSPARENT
The obvious first port of call is how to tell if a girl has a boyfriend. Be interesting and make your assessment of her relationship status part of finding out about her. Or just, you know, go on her Facebook if you know her already.
Once you find out, take it in your stride and ask about him. He’s an aspect of her life, albeit one you’d rather see changed, so take interest in him.
It may not be a good idea to take it further if she really is besotted with him. It’s unlikely to work and if you already know and have a good connection with her it stands to get ruined.
However, if you treat the situation as less ‘how do I get a boyfriend out of the picture?’ and more ‘how do I have a boyfriend pale in comparison next to me?’ you can approach the pursuit as a challenge rather than an obstacle.
GAUGE IF SHE WOULD BE ON BOARD
If she is unhappy enough to be looking outside of her relationship, there’s a good chance you won’t need to do much to hurt her impression of him. So don’t. Make positive observations whilst creating a picture of their relationship to know what you’re up against. Compliment him on things he’s involved and how she views him as a man.
“He seems cool, how long have you known each other?”
“I really like his music/taste in music. Have you seen [name a band he likes, if it’s come up] together?”
“He seems great at sports, do you get to see him do his thing often?”
If you have the chance, be sure to hang out with both of them and read their body language and interactions. If they seem awkward and distant and are generally ignoring each other, and they’re not touching much, it may be a sign that she is not happy or settled and could give you an indication.
This is also how to have a boyfriend sized up – is he going to kill you for this? Is he a prize fighter or meathead? You may want to weigh up whether the pursuit is worth the hospital bill.
If it seems okay, it’s worth knowing how to gauge their connection without his company. If you’re going to know how to get a girl that has a boyfriend, or how to get a bf into ex territory, it can stop you going for someone you really want if you end up liking the guy. Prioritise activities together, but not alone, once it’s appropriate.
BE READY TO MAKE A GO OF IT YOURSELF
You’re entering emotionally charged territory here, and you’re playing with more than one person.
Even if you convince someone who is genuinely in love to step into the unknown, if you aren’t ready to offer her a genuine commitment and a life better than the one she knew with her significant other then it will eventually end in resentment.
A woman also has to know you have this on the cards. This doesn’t mean suspending light, fun flirtation but there will naturally be moments to breathe in the conversation where you can outline your connection.
“I love talking with you – time goes by so quickly.”
“It’s pretty rare to know girls like you.”
It seems corny. But underplaying the tone whilst maintaining how special she is can play in stark contrast to the often overblown nature of the type of romantic gestures a long-term relationship can throw out. If she’s spending a lot of time with you, it’s a pretty sure sign she hasn’t heard frank, subtle sentiments in a while. And as established above, you wouldn’t be pursuing her if you didn’t really see something in her. Let her know. On that note…
YOU’RE TREADING ON EGGSHELLS – IS SHE WORTH IT AND CAN YOU TRUST HER AFTERWARDS?
While it can heighten your feelings when thinking of how to get a girl who has a boyfriend, and she may be as smart, funny and beautiful as any woman you’ve ever met, you have to make sure that she is not going to do to you for any other man what she is doing to her boyfriend.
It’s a risky and time-consuming approach when you could be making exciting new connections so if you are investing time and effort you need to see a return. Is she just enjoying the process of flirting? Or the attention of strangers? If you’re in a social setting and you’ve got other options, it may be worth gauging how worth it she will be in the long run.
DODGE THE FRIEND ZONE
Being a clingy lost puppy in the hopes of a belly rub, even on a short term basis if you just met her at a party, is just going to end in suspicion and a raised guard. It also won’t take a rocket scientist of a boyfriend to see you’re loitering with intent, and black eyes have been dished out for less.
You’ve struck up a connection, and with luck you’re building a rapport and spending some time with her. Ration your time with her, take it easy, and drop hints whilst waiting for her to contact you. Regardless of how much more desirable it will make you, she has to be in a psychological place where she is entertaining a life outside of her relationship. There has to be active motivation on her part.
Invite her to a gig, or a hangout. Avoid being alone too often, and paint yourself as the core of whatever situation you’re in. Interaction with everyone, and become at ease with the room.
DON’T GIVE UP ON WHAT MAKE’S YOU AN INDIVIDUAL JUST BECAUSE THE PARAMETERS ARE DIFFERENT.
Be fun and engaging and interesting. If you’re planning to divert her attentions from her current beau, make sure you OFFER SOMETHING BETTER THAN HER BOYFRIEND.
She’s not looking for Her Boyfriend 2.0 – if she’s spending more time with you, it’s not because she wants more of the same and it certainly won’t be worth the risk she’s taking.
If you really like her, once she’s actively reaching out, bring her into your world. Show her where you go, involve her in your hobbies and the stuff that really drives you. It’s not enough to simply to wonder how do you get a boyfriend out of the picture – you have to show her a better life than she currently has.
It’s a tricky situation with understandable fallout, but little risk reaps little reward. ‘The girl I like has a boyfriend’ can be dwarfed by ‘the girl I like has a great time with me.’
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