What do you look for in a girlfriend?

October 31, 2017 - 11 minutes read

things to look for ina girlfriend


A relationship should consist of two well-rounded people working as a team. There are vital qualities you should be looking for in any potential long-term partner.

Do you have criteria when you speak to women? If the qualities you’re seeking are blonde or brunette, you’ll find yourself settling for an average woman when you could be investing time in connecting with a woman you truly desire.

Is she wife material, or just one-hot-night material? Meeting someone for excitement or a good time doesn’t carry with it too much need for qualification, but if you’re thinking about the long term, you need to expect more.

Creative and artsy people seem to be the most effective at describing what they seek in an ideal woman. They allow themselves to get descriptive and explore the real characteristics and qualities with which they want to surround themselves.

Most other people don’t really think about their ideal type all that often.

Be more detailed in what you want in a life partner. Do the work now, so a divorce lawyer doesn’t have to do it for you in ten years’ time.

Women qualify us all the time, and we have to be more conscious of doing the same. Wake up. Don’t wait to be approved by someone else. Give a woman the opportunity to be approved. Everyone needs criteria, and especially in relationships, both parties need a good deal.

Unsurprisingly, what men want in a girlfriend is directly linked to the type of woman we end up with. Here are the top qualities of a good girlfriend.

Ideal woman characteristics

Emotional intelligence

Some women can be irrational and emotionally erratic, but it really isn’t the case that all women are like this. Through life experience, and with time, emotional intelligence develops. This is my number one thing to look for in ideal girlfriends.

You don’t want a future spent arguing about things that don’t matter, and a relationship requires a certain sense of forward-thinking from both parties. Emotional intelligence is key to this.

You will also doubtless hit road bumps if you’re together for a long time, such as family bereavements, financial troubles, and health issues. Both of you need to be emotionally stable to support the other during those times, and it’s an essential characteristic of a healthy, supportive relationship.

Supportiveness of your dreams

As I said right at the top, she has to be on your team. Get her onside. If you’ve got big visions, she needs to get behind them. You know the saying: Behind every successful man is a strong woman. It’s true. Conor McGregor is a huge success but would be nothing without his support network, and his wife most of all.

Be clear about where you see yourself going and show her what your life will be like. If she doesn’t support the idea of it, she’s unlikely to support you at a more critical point when your dreams are becoming a reality.


A woman that can function without you is highly attractive. She should have her own friends, hobbies, and interests. If she’s just sitting around at home waiting for you, it’s not stimulating. She needs to have her own life just as you do.

You need to understand that a woman’s character traits and your traits are what your children will inherit. You’re looking for a woman that has qualities that you would be happy passing on to your kids.

Caring and nurturing nature

A lot of guys put on a gruff front, but we’re all human beings. We need emotional comfort for those moments of sapped strength and low confidence. If a woman is cold and unloving to you, will she be like that with your children? See how she treats other people, animals even.

You need to check how her compassion measures up when you’re sick or unhappy. It’s an important part of a relationship.


‘Challenge’ seems like a negative label, but it’s actually one of the most important ‘perfect woman’ traits.

You don’t want a passive girlfriend. We are not always right. We need someone to call us out when we’re wrong. We need discipline in our relationships to know where the line is, and the setting of boundaries is key to maintaining self-respect and attraction.

Make sure that your values align, but also that she’s ready to stand up for her point of view on the values that don’t. You need to put each other in check. It can become all too easy to lose respect for a passive woman.


You need an undistracted woman. Your wife needs to be in the room and able to have a healthy conversation without being distracted by glowing screens or the TV.

Naturally, many people have hectic lives, and technology is playing more and more of a role. But she needs to have a cut-off time and find a balance so you can enjoy the more delicate points of face-to-face interaction.

Maybe have a little phone bin that you put your mobiles in for a while so you can just enjoy each other. It’s so basic. We’re too worried about Instagram likes or focused on someone else’s life that we forget the basics. We’re not even present anymore. Allow it to be a talking point.

Security in herself

If a woman is secure, she won’t become jealous or a nag. There’s no bigger turn-off than insecurity, and you wouldn’t get an amnesty either if you were jealous and petty.

Reiterate that you choose to spend the most time with her for a reason, and being half an hour late from that party doesn’t mean you were having an affair.

When you’re thinking about attraction, carrying yourself in a comfortable way is an essential skill. It’s a characteristic I look to instil in all of the clients on my 7-Day Programmes, and there’s no reason you should be looking for anything less from a woman.


I’m not talking about snobbery here – you don’t have to disqualify every woman you encounter that didn’t graduate magna cum laude from Harvard.

However, educated people are more willing and able to digest conversations and apply logic and reason. Unintelligent women will not want to have a conversation about harder truths. You can converse with intelligent women about real shit. You don’t have to sugarcoat sentiments, and you can be direct.


She has to be open to new experiences and excitement. Be with someone who has seen different cultures and understands how the world works, who is genuinely curious, and who is on a permanent quest to discover new things.

If she has these qualities, next time you want to follow through on a new or adventurous idea, she’ll be right there with you.


If this woman is in your life, you may already be thinking about a family further down the line. While it may not be a priority right now, you may not find out that she’s averse to a family until its too late.

If she demonstrates compassion and care, you know she has those inherent qualities to care for your family. If you can’t see yourself building a family together, write the niggle down and talk about it. Family should be important to both of you if the relationship is to be long-term.

Does she keep in touch with Mum and Dad? Does she get on with your family? Her efforts to do so are the first signs of a woman who cares about keeping her family happy.

There you have it. It just takes a little exploration to find out what you really want from a woman in a relationship.

For advice on talking to the woman you desire once you know characteristics to look for, click here. You can discover what my 7-Day Courses could add to your life.

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