Everybody develops at different rates. It may be that, due to either choice or circumstance, you’ve never been in a serious relationship.
During your teenage years, this might lead to mockery and even bullying. This leads to a heavy stigma on such a status later in life, but it’s no reason to beat yourself up. All it means is that you’ve got something new and exciting to encounter in adult life.
If you’re used to life without a significant other, you may have become too comfortable. Some personal changes will be in order. Talking to women may, at this point, seem daunting, because it’s an unusual practice and the stakes seem really high.
It may even apply that you haven’t had a sexual encounter yet. There’s plenty of reasons that could be the case, and there’s no grounds for feeling shame about it, no matter what society may have you think.
Alternatively, you could have some traction with talking to women and getting into sexual encounters without having ever made the leap of commitment. Maybe you’ve been too focussed on your career and are now looking to break into a more committed engagement.
Either way, there are several ways to ready yourself for both finding the right partner and pursuing a relationship.
Work on yourself
Whether you’ve so far avoided having a long-term partner on purpose or otherwise, your approach to life may need adjusting to increase your scope for finding a girlfriend.
Becoming a desirable sexual prospect might not have been at the forefront of your mind. Alternatively, you might have been trying in vain to connect with women and growing ever more frustrated by the lack of results.
In the first circumstance, you simply need a refresh, like installing an update on your phone. In the latter, if you don’t change your approach, you won’t change the results.
Start setting daily goals for yourself and ticking them off. These get you towards larger goals and give you a little dopamine burst with every achievement you reel off.
Exercise is vital for feeling and looking your best, so include them in your daily goals. And invest a little in your presentation – have a female friend or family member take you out clothes shopping and get a super smart, rejuvenating haircut.
Looks aren’t everything, but first impressions are a huge deal. Looking like you take care of yourself means you’re giving a great account of yourself to all and sundry.
Talk to as many women as you can.
After a lifetime without an in-depth romantic relationship, the idea of meeting prospects to be your first long-term partner can seem imposing.
However, adding stakes to these conversations can be a huge barrier. If you’re always thinking about what you want from someone, you won’t be able to have a truly honest, comfortable, fun conversation with them.
The way to get around this is by having as many positive conversations with women as you can. This helps you build a library of reference points to look back on later. “That conversation went really well. This is just another conversation. Piece of cake.”
The more conversations you have, the less daunting each individual one will seem. Your most attractive qualities will come across much better, you’ll start asking the right open questions, and you’ll find that everyone’s more comfortable within the conversation.
Don’t settle: Filter potential dates in line with your values
Broadening your conversational web and boosting your social skills is also important for other reasons – it allows you to be selective.
This is essential. Having a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend is very unlikely to progress into a meaningful connection. She’d be fulfilling a role in your life, rather than aligning with your values. Settling limits a relationship’s shelf life.
See every date not as an opportunity to get laid, but a way to evaluate the person you meet against your values and criteria. Don’t think of it as you finally getting a girlfriend – consider the situation as a girlfriend finally getting you.
You’ve been a boxed action figure, steadily accruing value. Why would you let just anyone break the seal?
Start thinking about stability
Now, you could be as much of a lothario as you like. But if you’ve a ‘drifter’ mentality that doesn’t demonstrate stability, moving from career to career or seeming aimless, women are unlikely to see you as a reliable prospect for long-term love and support.
If you’re already dashingly good-looking but haven’t previously had girlfriends, that’s going to pull up red flags for the women you talk to. What’s the catch? Natural good looks don’t exempt you from having to develop your social skills and presentation like anyone else.
You need to develop a life that builds as much of a financial and professional platform for success as possible. No, women are not all money-grabbers. They just have to know that supporting your family is not going to be an issue years down the line.
This doesn’t only mean career prospects, but emotional stability and compassion, too. Previous traumas and mental health difficulties can make relationships extremely rocky. It’s important to have a balance in your life before you start thinking about working someone else into your world.
That’s not to say people with mental illness shouldn’t be in relationships, but it’s important to acknowledge that it can affect the people around you and warrants addressing for everyone’s sake before you enter or look for a long-term relationship.
A potential girlfriend has to know that you’re not going to bail at the first sign of trouble, that time with you will be fun and not burdensome, and that you’re going to care for her when she’s sick or sad. Make sure you develop your nurturing side and emotional intelligence if you’re falling short.
Active listening can help.
Not every woman you sleep to has to become your girlfriend.
If you’re not someone who gets laid a lot, you might find yourself getting too attached to every woman who enters the threshold of your bedroom door.
However, it’s a recipe for heartbreak. Not every woman wants a relationship, kids, or commitment.
Clear communication is a way to armour yourself against this kind of overattachment. Make sure you let them know that you’re down to clown but are taking this as they come and enjoying life.
If sparks magically start to fly that suggest a more profound connection, meet up again, and have more fun. Successful relationships are born organically.
Stay positive about yourself.
This may genuinely be the most important thing you take away from today.
You are not broken, ugly, or less worthy of love than any other guy out there. I’ve been teaching guys just like you how to talk to women, and they smash their boundaries more and more with each passing day.
Romantic relationships are one of the many enriching factors that life throws you. They can add joy and support to every day if you get them right. But they’re not the be-all and end-all.
I know plenty of guys without girlfriends who lead full, nourishing, and exciting lives. They’re completely comfortable with themselves and the way they spend their time. They just haven’t found a person with whom to share it just yet.
If you learn to throw yourself into your passions, female attention will be a natural consequence of your enthusiasm, passion, and drive.
Takeaway: Enjoy your time, whoever you spend it with.
So many men experience feelings of jealousy when thinking about what they could be missing out on in relationships.
But, ultimately, unless you’re about to build a family, if you’re having fun and leading an exciting life on your own terms, what does it matter? Life is about enjoyment and interaction. It’s about having space and downtime and hobbies, being in nature, and going out with your friends.
Invest yourself 100% in that life and you’ll not only be happy whatever the outcome, you’ll also become far more attractive to potential partners. They’ll be intrigued by a life that gives you so much joy and wonder what being part of the adventure feels like.
Work on being your best self, don’t issue punishment your own way, and build some kind of platform. A girlfriend is only a few good decisions away – if you even need one at all.
Get amazing at talking to vast numbers of women – learn life-changing social skills through my Impactful Connection workshops.
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